Putting Yourself First

I think one of the hardest things about being a mom is the idea of putting yourself first. I don't know how many mom's told me after I had Connor "make time for yourself;" "you'll be a better mom when you stop being a mom for an afternoon." I don't know about anyone else, but I have a really tough time with this. I felt split, constantly. I knew I wanted some time away, just for me and not listening for crying, whining or demands but when I was finally away, my mind was still stuck on Connor. Is he alright? Is he being good? Is he causing trouble? Does the person watching him know that when he does "this and that" it means "this and that"?? I finally got to a fairly good spot before we moved from Savannah. I went to the gym and got a good workout in with no issue. Well, relatively speaking...if you have ever dropped your kids off at the Gym CDC you know why the care there is always in the back of your mind. But here I am, dealing with the same things about Alaina. Ben and I took the kids to the RASP Gym last night so I could do my first strength training workout. The idea was that Ben could help me out, there was a mat room that Connor can safely play in and Alaina would sleep in her car seat. I couldn't through my cardio warm-up before I was distracted. Connor was playing on the elliptical and then the row machine, falling off the stairclimber. Luckily, there were very few other guys working out and they were so focused on their grunts and growls that they paid zero attention to my little fire team invading the gym. Regardless, I got through 25 minutes of mixed cardio and then moved to the weight room. Here, Alaina started fussing. Great! Ben had Connor occupied in the mat room but as I stood in the weight room with all the machines, I felt such an overwhelming sense of clausterphobia. I wasn't comfortable there and in fact, despite the massive amount of pounds I need to lose, I felt downright small. Small, as in insecure and out-of-place. Yikes! This is so daunting. I have worked out with weights since high school but instantaneously I felt completely out of my comfort zone and like a fish out of water. I got a workout in and it felt good but wowza... I am currently looking up circuit training programs online to try and get a good feel for the main things I want to do in the gym so I am not wasting time. As I am googling and finding an overload of information, Alaina is screaming bloody murder and like everything and every project I try to get done, I am finding myself rushing through and trying to wrap it up as quickly as possible.