It's my perogative

Okay so the title has nothing to do with my post, really.  I know I mentioned a few weeks back about desginating certain days for certain topics....bump that.  I can't keep up with it and I am most certainly not creative enough to come up with new and cute things every week.  So it's back to me.  Just me.  If something strikes my fancy, I'll let you know.  Otherwise, it's the excitement, complains, joys, headaches of being a mom of 2, the wife of a servicemember, and anything else going on.

And of course, at this exact moment, I have absolutely nothing to say ;)

Oh the Choices We Make

Welcome back to Weight Loss Wednesday.  Big hooray in my house...actually within my wardrobe.  I am still wearing (*gulp...I can't believe I am admitting this) maternity jeans.  Picture me hanging my head in shame, because that is pretty much what I am doing right now.  HOWEVER, there is a light at the end of the pregnancy nightmare tunnel- I am starting to get "diaper butt" in my maternity jeans!!!  Only mommas who have worn maternity jeans know what I am talking about.  When the maternity jeans start getting too big in the waist and hips and thus the butt starts getting super loose and a little on the baggy side.  I am not quite into my non-maternity pants yet, but am oh so close!!!!  YAY!  Just in time for the holidays....

Which is kind of what my post is about today...the choices we make.  I typically like to follow the rules.  I follow the rules of the road (except for the slight tendency for lead foot on the gas), I don't cheat or lie on anything.  What I am really, really bad at sometimes, is making good personal choices.  I don't mean the choices that get me into all kinds of trouble and I end up arrested, but the choices to decide between one piece of pie or two on Thanksgiving.  The choices about sampling every goodie I am baking this holiday season.  In the past I have used excuses like, "It's been a tough day, I am going to treat myself to a kit kat,"  "Oh my goodness, Connor has been a challenge, I need some ice cream," "I only enjoy the holidays once a year...I owe it to myself to enjoy them."  Excuses that put my immediate needs in front of my long term wants.  This holiday season my challenge to myself is to enjoy the holidays without overly enjoying them. What I mean is trying really hard to put my long term goals of personal health and fitness in front of the instant gratification all those extra sugary sweets create.  Now, please don't misunderstand, I will be scooping up yummy cookies, buckeyes (my personal favorite) and desserts along the way, but in moderation.  I will make the choice this holiday season to remember I have a far-reaching longer term goal than just the few weeks we celebrate Christmas.

Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas

It's that time of year....again.  Christmas is such a mixed bag of emotions.  The excitement and anticipation of the holidays but the overwhelming-ness of the holidays.  It feels like from the week before Halloween until after New Years (and this year until February because of A.'s birthday) we are non-stop.  Baking, decorating, shopping, wrapping, activities....

As I started thinking about and planning Christmas for this year, I had a huge change of heart in terms of how I parent during the holidays.  A. and C. will never remember what gifts they got for their 4th and 1st Christmas', even though they may eventually.  What I can give them in memories will be better than any other purchased gift I could ever think of buying.  I was really dead set on an Advent calendar this year.  The ones I really wanted were too expensive and the ones in my "price range" weren't what I was looking for but I knew I could make one that fit what I needed. 

So here it is...

Now, don't ask me to hang pictures in your house.  I can hang neither straight nor level, but with a little creativity and time, I made the Countdown to Christmas I am really excited about.  So these are six 12 x 12 pieces of scrapbook paper and on each piece of paper are 4 envelopes.  The envelopes came from a very nice employee at Target who gave me 24 of their gift card envelopes.  I bought a package of 5 x 7 Christmas paper so all the 24 envelopes are a little different but coordinating.  Attached Christmas stickers and hung them together with gren ribbon.  All in all, I think the entire project cost me less than $20.  Here is a close up of the envelopes.

My most favorite part of all....the cards inside!!  It took planning and some thinking, but here is our Countdown to Christmas 2011:
-set up Nativity and read the story of the birth of Jesus
-make and hang snowflakes
-decorate the Christmas tree and drink eggnog
-enjoy a special treat and watch a Christmas movie together
-prepare hot cocoa jars
-St. Nicholas Day
-write letters to Santa
-Fantasy in Lights at Callaway Gardens
-baking with Mommy
-family game night
-visit Santa Claus
-special treat
-deliver cards to neighbors
-wrap Christmas gifts
-school Christmas party
-Polar Express movie night with hot cocoa
-drive around to see Christmas lights
-ice skating
-pick a special treat
-Imagine Art Studio
-edible gift for the birds outside
-baking cookies for Santa
-read Twas the Night Before Christmas

Thankful Feast

I don't know why, but Connor refuses to call Thanksgiving "Thanksgiving."  Instead, he is continually referring to it as the "Thankful Feast."  So, in honor of Thankful Feast tomorrow, here are some updates and a fun idea to keep kids out of out your hair while you are trying to cook.

First, I wanted to show you the "Fall" sign I made yesterday.  I wrote a couple weeks ago about the one for Halloween that said "Boo."  The one I mad yesterday was so easy!  It cost me a total of $7 at Hobby Lobby and I finished it up in less than 30 minutes.  Connor even helped a little!

I also wanted to show you how our Grateful Tree has grown!!  Other friends are adding their 'grateful' leaves when they are coming to the house and I can't believe how excited Connor is to add things and there is never a shortage of what he can come up with to be thankful for....examples recently include monster trucks, cars, heliocopters, cookies and crocodiles.  ;)

And last but not least on my belated Martha Monday, is an idea to keep busy and "helpful" kids at bay while you are finishing up cooking or baking tomorrow.  Placemats!  Tomorrow morning, the kids that will be at my house and responsible for making the placemats for our table.  So easy and they really can make anything you can think of....turkeys, cornucopias or the example I have below of the Mayflower.  Whatever you do or however you chose to spend your holiday, I hope it is blessed and surrounded by the ones you love and you are constantly reminded of leaves you can add to your thankful tree. 

Tell Tale Signs of Fall

Since I am already a slacker and completely forgot a super yummy recipe on Friday, I am going to double up on the perfect combination....the tell tale signs of fall.  Fall in Ohio is completely different than fall in the South.  I don't even know if you can classify "fall" as a season south of Tennessee but the change of seasons is one of the things I miss terribly about being home.  You always know fall is hitting when the wind blows and you can smell the falling leaves ( and yes, there is a smell to falling leaves), the cooler air that is just a little crisp in the morning and it feels like clean, purity when you breath in deep.  The changing colors....it is like the precious beautiful, gorgeous, explosion of color right before old man winter hits and everything turns to shades of browns and grays.  One of my favorite fall memories of being a kid is apple crisp almost every weekend.  Yep, almost EVERY weekend when I was little.  This time of year, there is no shortage of plump, ripe apples and there are as cheap can be, so we took advantage of them by making applesauce and apple crisp.  The recipe is for apple crisp with vanilla whipped cream.  This is soooo yummy!  Head to the local grocery store and make sure you enjoy some of the bounty of the season with this delicious dessert.

4 medium apples (I use 2 granny smith and 2 golden delicious)
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. oats
1/3 c. butter, softened
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 tsp. nutmeg
Heat oven to 375.  Grease bottom and sides of a 8 x 8 cooking dish with shortening (or butter).  Spread apples in pan.  In medium bowl, mix remaining ingredients, sprinkle over apples.  Bake 30 minutes.  Top with a spoonful of vanilla whipped cream.

To make vanilla whipped cream beat 1 cup heavy whipping cream with 1/4 c. confectioner's sugar and 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract in medium bowl with electric mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form.

So the other falling leaves and "Martha Monday" tie in?  Okay, here it is....on Halloween night, I took down all the decorations and Connor had gotten himself all worked up.  He had an all and out temper tantrum as I tried to explain to him that Halloween was over and we put the decorations away for next year.  I tried to tell him that it was fine and there was another holiday to look forward to.  His eyes lit up when he asked, "What?"  And I responded, "Thanksgiving."  The look of dejection was almost comical and he just said, "oh" and walked away.  But it got me to thinking, Thanksgiving is such a letdown for kids (sorry Jo, but it's kind of truth)...think about it.  Poor Thanksgiving is quietly sandwiched between candy and presents!  It's hard to compete with that.  So I wanted to find a fun way to have Connor look forward to this forgotten holiday and also start to teach him to have a heart of gratitude for all the blessings we should be thankful for in our lives.  I made the "Tree of Gratitude" and every night after dinner each one of us adds our leaf of thanks to the tree.  This was so easy!  It took me one nap afternoon to get it all together.  The trunk was made of 3 pages of brown construction paper and I used 2 pages of yellow, red, orange and a burnt yellow color each and drew 6 leaves on them.  Cut them out and now we just tape our leaves on each evening.  Some of things Connor is grateful cracks me up.  Last week he was grateful for the letter "v" as well and tonight for milk and cookies.  Ahhhh....the sweet, simplistic brain of a 3-year-old <3

(This picture was taken a 2 weeks ago....the leaves now are over-flowing off the side branches and we are really starting to get quite a tree on top too!)

Weight Loss Wednesday

To start my first Weight Loss Wednesday post I really want to share with you where I am at in terms of my weight loss journey.  Actually, filling you in is almost laughable.  My DH reminded me that yo-yo dieting was just as bad as yo-yo "gymning" and that I need to stop viewing my workouts as if every day is Day 1.  Thanks to a new "friend" in Lysa TerKuerst, I have come to a couple realities that I need you to know before I go any further on this road to weight loss. 

First, my body is the body of a mom.  What I mean by that is simply this, I have struggled for years with body image issues, especially after the birth of my children.  I think a lot of moms deal with this same mental block.  I see myself as that itty bitty little 98 pound college student wearing size 0 jeans, but the girl in my head is vastly different from the woman of my reality.  My body was stretched to the very limit and while I can admit that I was a very fortunate preggo that didn't end up with stretch marks, my body changed in other ways.  One way, in particular, that is really hard for me was the expansion of my rib cage; it was stretched and pained to accomodate Connor.  Stretch marks, expanding hip size, exploding rib cage or whatever your babies did in the process of growing in the womb made you a momma.  What a powerful thought.  I may not be always happy with the changes my body underwent throughout the pregnancy process, but without those changes, I wouldn't have become a mom to two of the most beautiful, precious gifts ever bestowed to me.  My first step in this journey to better health is to work hard and eat well because I want to become healthy, not because I am trying to change in unrealistic ways how pregnancy affected my body.

Second, I need to stop being a slave to the scale.  Scales are NOT my friend and I don't think they are yours either.  This isn't to say I don't step on the scale at the gym, just to see.  But I am not on it everyday and I certainly am learning not to live and die by the number is reveals.  I mean, seriously, the scale can't tell me what time of the month it is, it can't tell me if I ate a little more salt the night before and am retaining water and it certainly can't tell me if I lost a pound of fat but am building lean muscle mass.  Judging how I am doing in the road to a better, healthier me is now becoming based on how I am fitting into my clothes.  Running an extra 1/2 a mile on the treadmill and feeling great, lifting the next dumbbell during strength training to challenge myself.  It is about asking myself these questions: Did I eat well during the week?  Did I give it all my during workouts?  Did I make time for workouts?  Am I not as winded when I walk up and down the stairs or when I play with the kids?  Aren't those more important than a number on a scale or the one inside my jeans on the tag?  I think so.  I am understanding that this is a process, not a snap your fingers and you're there.

I hope that are you loving the body and person you are meant to be and that you are becoming the healthiest you you can be.  You owe it to yourself to be healthy without being a slave to what society says you should be.  I mean, let's face it, the Bionic Woman (otherwise known as Heidi Klum) doesn't help us mom's out in the body image department when she is walking down the catwalk in a barely there bra, thong and angel wings merely weeks after giving birth!  Don't let noise fill your head or heart.  Be the strongest, healthiest you you can be and that is all we can happily do.

The Winds are Changing

I have been thinking lately about changing up the format of my blog....especially since I realized I have written twice in the last two months.  Obviously, this hasn't been a priority of mine, but I have experienced or tried some cool stuff I really wanted to share and in the spirit of Pinterest (my new favorite website) the following is how I will approach Frantic from now on (at least for now!).  On Mondays I want to share something crafty I have done or we are doing at the house and call it Martha Mondays.  Wednesdays are Weight Loss Wednesdays.  Aye aye aye...I could probably write an entire blog about just this topic!  Fridays will be Foodie Fridays.  I am not a "foodie" by any stretch, but I do love to share a good recipe!  If I have the time or inclination then Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be (for lack of a better word) the Rants and Raves.  The highs and lows of being a momma, the wife of a soldier, the child of God walking on a path of His light for His glory.  I hope you like the new stuff because I am really excited to share with you!!

So, with that said, the first Martha Monday is this super easy, inexpensive craft that I did last year.  I have the one you see for Halloween and a really pretty one for Christmas that says "Noel."  In the next few days, I want to try and make one more that says "Fall" for November.  You are not going to believe how simple this is and how cheaply (is that a word??) you can make a seasonal decoration for your home.  Head over to Hobby Lobby (I found all the materials cheaper there than I did anywhere else) and pick up lightweight unfinished wooden letters.  They have a variety of sizes, font styles and weights.  Make sure you find the lightest weight you can so there is no issue when the finished word is hung on your wall.  Next, head to the scrapbook aisle and pick out coordinating, seasonal paper.  Usually my rule of thumb is one sheet of 12 x 12 paper per letter.  (As a side note, Michaels is having a sale this week on all their 12 x 12 scrapbook paper- 6 sheets for $1!!)  You will also need a thicker width ribbon and spray adhesive.  When you get home, grab a pencil and trace the letter onto the paper.  Cut it out and with the spray adhesive (do this part outside, trust me, you'll thank me once you smell this stuff) spray the wood letter and very carefully place the paper on top.  Be careful because this stuff is very sticky.  Let them dry completely.  Once the are dry, you can bring them inside and "space" them apart.  Cut your ribbon long enough to extend securely from letter to letter.  To secure the ribbon to the finished letter, I double or triple my efforts to keep it on.  I use double sided tape to stick the ribbon to the letter, then tape over that and then spray adhesive to make sure it all stays put.  The last thing I want it letters falling off in the middle of the night and scaring the beejezus out of me!!  Lastly hang it up and enjoy a less than $20 decoration for the holiday of your choice!

A 31 Woman

I have been promising to blog about this for almost 2 weeks now and finally, here it is....the women's ministry conference recap!  My sister, Joanna, and I left on Friday at noon.  The drive to Findlay was a good 2+ hours so we had a lot of time to catch up, have a yummy Skyline dinner and a double yummy little coffee shop (non-Starbucks ;) )  To be really honest, I was a little nervous heading up with Joanna.  We have never been on a trip by ourselves.  I kept thinking, "are we going to have enough to talk about?"  Yep, no problem there!  And to boot, I really, truly enjoyed alone time with my sister.  We don't see each other often as it is, but to get to spend one-on-one time with her meant an awful lot to me and this was a weekend I will never forget.

So, we finally get to the hotel.  Check in and relax a little before we head down to being our 'girlfriend package' ammenities.  We had a little chair massage and manicures as well as dinner with a group of 6 other ladies.  They were all ages and in stages of their lives.  It is neat to just talk to other women who have seen and done so many things differently than you and to hear some of their stories.  Then the fun started...and I am not talking about anything with the conference.  Jo and I ventured into Findlay, Ohio.  If you aren't familiar with some of our smaller Ohio towns, I don't know if there are words to really express the oddities of small-town America.  We passed this fanastic little shop that advertised 300+ nightcrawlers for $30.  Yes, I am talking about the fishing ones and yes, we giggled about it about the rest of the weekend.  The shopping area of Findlay was interesting.  In one particular shopping area, the nightclubs were sandwiched by Party City and a craft store.  We did a little shopping at the mall and called it a night. 

Now the fun stuff- the Conference.  It was a one day event with Lysa TerKuerst.  The beginning of the conference, though, had praise and worship time.  In a super cool way, they brought up the P&W Team along with 2 artists who used chalk to free hand during the 4 songs.  They drew two hands, palms up, bound together by chains.  In the second half of the conference after lunch, during the 4 P&W songs, the artists came back and from the chains made a cross and blood coming from the hands.  WOW!  It was amazing to see this masterpiece appear from their creation during just 8 beautiful songs.  The most touching moment for me, during the entire day was when we sang "How Great Thou Art."  Albeit, a contemporary version, but when we got the chorus, I had tears and tears streaming down my cheeks.  "How Great Thou Art" was one of my grandma's favorite hymns and as I stood there lifting my voice with 600 other women to our Risen Lord and Savior, I couldn't help but think that my grandmother and I share this spiritual connection.  Standing together, praising our Lord, enjoying the same wonderous songs that are more powerful than the decade you worship.  It really was a special moment for me.

I can't replay for you the awesomeness of the Conference.  But I can share some of the nuggets of truth we learned from Lysa that day.  They were some pretty cool ones too!!

• God comforts us not so we are comfortable but so we are comfort-able.  Sitting on God's comfort isn't enough.  We receive it and give it back to heal.
• Past hurts can create lepresy of the soul.  The sadness and hurt eat away at you (Luke 17:13).  "Jesus, master, have mercy on us."  He doesn't want  temporary fix for us.  He (The Master Healer) wants so much more.  When the comfort from God heals us and we receive it, we can't help but shout praises!  We can't keep it inside.  God is big enough to handle the hard questions you ask Him, but we can't wallow in emotions we face.
• Thank you God for whatever it took to get me to a sweet place of intimacy with Him.
• Go and tell!!  Be comfort-able!!
• We are made well when we take what Satan throws at us and we use it to proclaim God's grace.  My story doesn't settle.
• Matthew 5:8- Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.  Through the messiness, chaos and unplanned, I will chose to see God.
• Jesus, I want to be a woman who says yes to You.  I want to expect to experience you every day.
• If we want to hear God, we need to get into His Word.  When we get done praying, we need to rise from our knees with eyes, ears and hearts open to see Him all around us.  He is always looking for ways to mold, shape, and teach us.
• Watch when the happy get bumped.  You want to see how far reaching they will be?  See how people react when their happy gets curveballed.  Our reactions matter.  We get so busy with our blessings, they stop being blessings.
• Our feelings can be indicators, but should never be dictators of our reactions.
• When our words fail, or there are no words for a situation- "Jesus" is the name we are equipped to receive.  We don't have to have all the answers as long as we stay connected to the one who does.
• Our job is to be obedient.  God's job is to handle it.  In the midst if what we're facing, we don't know how to fix it but we stay obedient.
• I will stand on my doorstep of life and tell Satan "You shall not pass!"
• When we position of our hearts low, in God's timing and in His way, He will lift us up.
• Our first line of defense should always be praises to go ahead of us.  Not praising the "situation" but knowing God will be on our side.  Making the fight from our knees is better than fighting in the flesh.

Where Were You?

The 10th anniversary of September 11. Since the moment that happened, you never needed to describe the tragic events that unfolded but simply saying "9/11" reminds people of the horrible day that changed our world. September 11 is one of those events that people can very vividly remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when they saw the towers hit and come down. I was a senior at Miami University and had a 10:00am. class. I had just closed the door and gotten out to the bus stop from my apartment when the first tower was hit and had just walked into Shriver Center to see the second tower hit. With all classes cancelled that day, I hightailed it home and watched in horror as the Twin Towers came crashing down in a heap of rubble, smoke, and disaster. Like everyone else, I was glued to the television for the next few days trying to process what I just saw and understand how something this devastation happens to the strongest country in the world. I was personally affected as my sorority lost a sister who was on one of the flights. My now husband lived in New York with his immediate family and they knew very personally the loss the entire country felt. The overwhelming sadness also showed us the strength and resolve of the American people. We heard these miraculous stories of Twin Tower employees continuing into the buildings to save others. The superhero feats of the firefighters, policemen and emergency workers who risked everything they had to help those who needed them.
My son and daughter will never know about those intense feelings 9/11 evokes for those of us who lived through it. They will learn about it in their history books the way my generation learns about the assassination of JFK or Martin Luther King, Jr. While, September 11 isn't a national holiday, it is a national day of service. What an awesome opportunity for this up and coming generation. What an awesome opportunity for us!
This year, even though Connor is way too young to understand what happened on that fateful Tuesday morning 10 years ago, we are finding a way to encourage him (and us) to give back. We haven't quite decided exactly what we are going to do with him yet, but we are hoping to spark the desire for civil responsibility. To encourage a seed in his heart (and eventually Alaina's too) that years to give back to the country that is so generous to us. What will you do to honor this day? How will you continue remembering exactly what September 11 means?
http://911day.org/

It's Freezer Day

I love Freezer Day!! The last time I did a freezer day was the weekend before July 4 and those delicious meals lasted until tonight. I pulled the last of the freezer meals (brown sugar glazed ribs) out for tonight's dinner. I made a believer of Ben too. He was VERY sceptical when he saw the grocery bill for that first shopping trip, but for the 6-8 weeks since, our grocery trips are about $100 or less every 2 weeks. It also eliminates every excuse for going out to pick something up for dinner because I forgot to pull something out or I am too tired from that day to cook. Overall, we save so much money and time by going about our dinner's this way. I have found, personally, that I love freezer meals because instead of cooking for an hour in the afternoon/evening, I am serving my family a delicious and nutricious meal that I popped into the oven and can use the time instead hanging out with Ben or playing with Connor and Alaina.

Last night, right before I started dinner, I cooked up a quadruple batch of spaghetti sauce and let it simmer while I made dinner. By the time dinner was over and we were cleaned up, the sauce had cooked and was cooled. It went into 4 individual containers and now we have 4 meals of spaghetti ready to go. Yesterday, I was also able to freeze 6 pounds of strawberries and 6 quarts of blueberries. This morning in less than 2 hours, I knocked out parmesan encrusted chicken nuggets, bacon chicken, teriyaki chicken, smoky maple chicken and cheese manicotti. (I know it is a ton of chicken meals, but I had a ton of chicken thawed and ready to go.) Tomorrow I will wrap up the rest of the meals to include- a huge batch of meatballs, angel hair pasta with creamy turkey sausage, linguine carbonara, baked ziti, flank steak, chicken cheddar quesadillas, beefy spanish rice, salisbury steak, honey lime chicken and almost ravioli.

I have to admit whipping up these meals is a snap now that Connor is school and I can get a ton done with Alaina is down for a nap. The biggest challenge is finding space for all this food in our freezer and deep freeze outside!

What Happens When I Say Yes to God

My sister bought me a fabulous book a while back called, "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" by Lysa TerKeurst. (BTW- if you have never done a Study with Lysa, she is great. Not quite the oversized personality that we love of Beth Moore, but she is great.) So, I have been incredibly overwhelmed lately. I don't know why and I shouldn't have any reason to, especially since Connor is in school now. You would think I would have more time to get the stuff done, but this week just hit me over the head and all things collapsed. The house was literally disgusting. There was laundry, clean and dirty, piled everywhere. Clutter was consumming every inch of every available space. It, honestly, made me despressed. Not just depressed and sad, but truly, in-a-mood, not looking forward to dealing with "tomorrow" depressed. Then I had a "smack me in the face, Jesus" moment, courtesy of Lysa.

(Just as a little background on this- Connor has gymnastics yesterday afternoon and I grabbed a magazine to take and read while I waited. Last minute, I dropped the magazine and picked up the "Yes to God" Study instead. PTL I did!!)

The chapter I did last night was "Hearing God's Voice." Lysa says, "Every day, God speaks to us. Sometimes He invites us to draw close and listen as He reveals Himself, His character, and His direction. Other times He calls to us to participate in His purposes. How do I know if God is speaking to me? How do I discern whether it is His voice speaking or just my own idea?" Lysa suggests you ask yourself these 5 questions:
1) Does what I'm hearing line up with Scripture?
2) Is it consistentwith God's character?
3) Is it being confirmed through message I'm hearing at church or studying in my quiet time?
4) Is it beyond me?
5) Would it please God?

"These questions are just a starting place. I encourage you to get a journal and start recording verses you study and some of your personal experiences with the things you are learning as you read God's Word."

Is What I'm Hearing Consistent with God's Character?
"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." Romans 8:5

The fruit of the Spirit is the spontaneous work of the Holy Spirit in us. The Spirit produces these character traits that are found in the nature of Christ. They are by-products of Christ's control- we can't obtain them by trying to get them without his help. If we want the fruit of the Spirit to grow in us, we must join our lives to his. We must know him, love him, remember him, and imitate him.

Is What I'm Hearing Being Confirmed Through Other Messages?
When Gos is speaking about a particular issue....you can not escape it!
"We shouldn't be doing all the talking. God wants us to pour out our heartsto Him, and then He wants to respond to us. Jesus shared this parable: The watchman open the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. (John 10:3-4)
He has gone before us and sees the dangers and trials we will face. He is telling us the way to go, the perspectives to keep, the things to avoid, and the things to hold fast to. Most of all he is speaking to us because we are His own and He wants a relationship with us. He loves us, adores us, treasures us, and has a good plan for us. He longs for us to know His voice and listen to His voice. The only way to know and trust God in this way is to spend time with Him.
When we invest in spending time alone with God, He will speak to us, and what we hear from Him in these quiet times will be echoed in other places.

"I ask for desire to want God more than anything else. I ask for the discipline to make my relationship with Him top priority. I ask for the discernment to know the difference between my own thoughts and God's voice. I ask for clear direction at each crossroad in my life. I ask for my relationship with God to be characterized by sheer delight rather than a sense of duty."

Last night as I lay in bed, I prayed and prayed and prayed for the energy and motivation to get my act together and back in line to be the wife, mother that God desire's me to be. While it took 8 hours, my house has never been more sparkling. I cleaned out pantry, 4 cupboards and 3 cabinets. Every room has been cleaned, the baseboards have been scrubbed, the windows washed and the blinds dusted, the floors bleached and every last burpcloth and t-shirt washed, folded and out away. I am so ready to open myself up for what's next and ready to listen to where God is leading me.

First Day of School

Ahh...the mark of the end of summer....the first day of school! I have been counting down for this day since we said good-bye to our last visitors of summer. As soon as the vacations are over, the suitcases unpacked and put away and the last of the laundry done, it get into this "what to do" rut. The temperatures soar over 100 degrees most days and the humidity soaks my poor kids faces and bodies. It is no fun to be outside unless you are in the pool and if anyone has tried braving a poolside morning with a toddler and an infant, it is more than a little challenging on a good day. The promise of school beginning means there is something to do. But it is so much more than that around our house.

The first day of school means the predictability of routines. We thrive on routines and structure in our house. The mornings, afternoons and evenings all flow much more smoothly. Even on non-school days, there is more fun, less fights, more laughter and less tamtrums. School means the house is always clean, the laundry never piles, I have some "me" time, Connor runs out energy and gets an exceptional Christian education. I am more patient, Connor is more receptive to everything because he isn't bored with the monotony of being at home.

There is a small piece of my heart that is always sad about the first day of school. It's like he is opening another chapter of his life and I understand he is only 3. But I'm not being dramatic here. If you have children, how fast have the last 3 years flown? I know before I blink my eyes and turn my head, I will be taking pictures for the first day of Kindergarden and beyond. Better enjoy it before it passes. Or better yet, my new favorite little mantra, "Be present."

ugh...and I thought being a girl was hard

Okay, so let me set up the scenario for you:

I am doing my make-up at lightning speed because I am running behind this morning. Connor is in my way, as usual, and he reaches for one of my make-up brushes. He then proceeds to start swiping his face with me, trying to mimic everything I am doing. When he used to do it, I thought it was so cute and the brushes are soft so I thought they felt good on his face. Now, at 3, I was irritated because I was rushing and told him to put it back because make-up is for girls. He responds, "When I grow up and be a girl then I can put on make-up." **Sigh....as I realize that apparently kid and grown-up differences haven't completly taken hold in his little preschool brain. So I say, "Buddy, when you grow up, you will always be a boy. You're special because you are a boy and Alaina is special because she is a girl." To which Connor replies, "But I want to make-up." So I try to reason and say, "But Connor, there are so many cool things boys can do that girls can't." And in my head I search and search for a really good, cool example of something that will make Connor understand how cool it is to be a boy...but I come up empty handed. I was raised to believe I could do anything the boys could do, I have every intention of raising my daughter with the same go-get-em, "I am fierce" mentality.

Now, having a boy, I feel like boy's get jiped. Girls have most of the dress-up options covered and Connor is getting to the age that he likes to play dress-up. Usually he wants to be a pirate or a cowboy, but without spending a crap ton of money during the Halloween season, he's S-O-L in the costume department. (PS- I'll be making some costumes for him soon.) Girls play all the same sports, they can participate in all the same activites as the boys.

It's tough having a boy...if a girl wants to play with boy toy's then she is a tom-boy. But if a boy plays with girl toy's, well, sterotypes can be harmful and brutal and downright mean. I feel like from the get-go a boy has to be a certain way so the child and the parents aren't being judged and looked down on. I guess this point really hit home for me yesterday afternoon when I took Connor to gymnastics. YES- Connor is in gymnastics and I am A'OK with it. There are ZERO sports options for 3-year-old's to run out their energy, learning to play cooperatively with others and start developing eye/hand coordination. Gymnastics was our only choice and low and behold, he is the only boy in the class. Wouldn't you know, I got the dirtiest looks from a dad sending his daughter in the same class. He kept eyeing me and then looking pitifully at Connor, as if I am subjecting him to some form of public humiliation. I wanted to ask, "Is there a problem?" But I kept my mouth shut and just let it be.

I guess I want my son to be empowered and proud of his being a boy/man the exact same way I want to instill that same empowerment to Alaina.

Heaven is For Real

Today I needed something to do. I went grocery shopping early in the morning and Connor and I had a water fight outside, but (if you saw the weather outside today, you would completely understand) I had zero desire to do anything except sit around. Yes, there were dishes to be put away and re-loaded, laundry needed to be switched and another load started, the kitchen could have been picked up and there are still some groceries left to find homes in the crowded pantry...but the skies were so overcast and ick....

Ben and Connor went fishing and Alaina was down for a nap so I opened up my Kindle and decided to start Heaven is for Real, a book I had downloaded months ago but never had the courage to pick it up and read it (I'll get to that in a minute). When we were flying to the Jersey Shore in the beginning of July a lady sitting next to me shared it with me. She said she wasn't very far into it, but she already thought it was a fantastic book. I tucked it away in the memory bank thinking I needed to read it soon. I had it downloaded since we got back home from vacation but I was really nervous to read it. Colton (the boy in the book) was about the same age Connor is now when he goes through his medical emergency and, if I am really honest here, there are some parts of being a Christian that make me fearful.

However, I turned on my e-book and finished it in one afternoon. I can honestly tell you that this is the best book I have ever read in my entire life. That is saying a lot because I have read a lot and love to read. This book (and I promise I am not giving anything away here) makes me completely re-evaluate how and why I pray. The way I view my children and the way the Lord views children. It has rocked me to the core and in the best way humanly possible. There are chapters when I am trembling from crying so far, completely immersed in the "ugly cry" where I couldn't catch my breath (Thank goodness Ben and Connor had gone fishing by this point!) and there were chapters when tears fell silently from my eyes knowing the beauty and wonder at the grace, mercy and hope my Father provides for me. The details provided by Colton made my jaw drop, gave me chills and had me full of promise.

I am thankful that one day a few years ago a friend introduced me to a Beth Moore Bible Study with girl's I barely knew and they opened my eyes to the glory of our Risen Savior...since then I have witnessed God's presence, I have seen the ways prayers lift up the down-trodden and have felt the Holy Spirit descend upon myself and Alaina when our loved ones were lifting us up in prayers while we were in the hospital. I see the sunrises and sunsets and know the beauty and their colors (you will get that color reference when you read the book) are a taste of what's to come.

I feel like I am blabbling along but I can not, under any circumstance, convey in any human words how moved I am by this book. How touched I am by the purity, innocence and true testimony of a 3-year-old who has no clue what the testimony really means. If you remember, place it in your memory bank, download it for another time or check it out from your local library. I promise- it is worth every page.

So after 7+ weeks of either traveling, vacationing, packing or unpacking for vacation, visitors, and just plain old madness, I am back. I am back to having a clean house and a laundry schedule. I am back to hitting the gym. I am back to my normal routine. It feels so good to get back to what "normal" means in my house, but alas...all my excitement about getting back in the groove came to a crashing halt this morning.

I packed my gym bag last night and the kids bag so I had ZERO excuses in the morning. Recently I have been having a tough time getting up in the morning (which is strange for me since I am a morning person) and this morning was no different but I got everyone ready and out the door (albeit a couple minutes later than I wanted). We got to the gym and I decided to weigh myself and see what 7 weeks of damage can do. A LOT! A lot of damage! Almost 15 pounds, sore knees, lethargy, uncoordination, not fitting in clothes, feeling blah all the time has hit me like a ton of bricks. But, for me, it's more than just the weight that is sticking around. That extra baby fat that lingers in all the undesirable places. It is not having the energy to keep up with Connor when he plays soccer. Feeling like I am going to fall asleep in the evenings when we are outside with the neighbors. It's losing that "sexy" feeling when Ben comes behind me to smack me on the butt. It's barely being able to stretch out my knees when I have had them bent too long cutting fabric. It's feeling decades older than 31. It's headaches for no apparent reason. It's that blah fog that encompasses my day to day activities. The mundane ones...I don't even have the excuses of going above and beyond. Nope...it's the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, the dusting, the mopping, the bottles, etc.

A girlfriend reminded me of something last night that I had totally forgotten and so, before this blog becomes more EMO and "I think I need roll over and die", I am going to keep reminding myself of this one phrase..."Who are you?"

After Connor was born, I lost myself then too. I felt like I wasn't anybody. I was a cook, a maid, a financial planner, I was a taxi driver, I was an event planner. While I know I am all of those things....who am I?? I am Connor and Alaina's mom, I am Ben's wife, I am SSG Boyce's wife...I wanted a piece of something that was just me. That was all mine and didn't attach me to anyone or anything else. I will forever be Connor and Alaina's mommy and Ben's wife but some of what I am feeling is more than just extra post-pregnancy weight...it is a loss of Tiffany. So, with that being said and a very sad and blue place right now, I am working for a goal. I am signing up today for the Infantry Soldier Half Marathon that will take place in November here in Fort Benning to benefit the National Infantry Museum and (as soon as I figure out where the sign up is online) I will be registering for the Mogadishu 5K in Uptown Columbus in honor of the 6 fallen Rangers that gave their lives for that particular campaign. I am finding myself again. Running a 5K and a Half is all about me. It is my goal, it is my journey, it is my preparation and the finish line is mine. Without working outside the home, it is hard to carve out a place uniquely for you in your family. This is my chance to clear my head, strive and work towards a goal and stand on my own two feet in a part of my life that doesn't rely on anyone else. I guess I needed this more than I know. All the other benefits will follow; dropping weight, more motivation and energy, increased stamina to keep up with 2 kids but it is the thrill of accomplishing something as Tiffany that brings me more excitement than I can put into words.

In all the hectic and craziness of life, don't lose yourself. Find yourself somewhere. Carve out a piece of your family that is singularly, beautifully yours. Be a role model for your kids that you can be your own person and be a contributing member of your family all at the same time. Make yourself the kind of mom that your son's want to marry and your daughter's hope to be like when they grow up. Be that well rounded ("zen mommy" :) ) that I know is in your heart and soul to be. That's what I am working for now...

And gold in the Mommy Olympics goes to you

I mentioned in my last post about the Mommy Olympics. A word that makes me blood boil and cringe. The Mommy Olympics (for those of you not familiar with the term) is when moms feel that burning desire to turn everything their baby/child (or how they are parenting) is doing into a competition. It's a race to see whose kid can accomplish whatever better/faster/cooler than anyone else's kid. And let me tell you, it's not just mom's that do this. I have an unnamed relative that is notorious for boasting about a child in their life in the attempts to outshine anyone else's child.

Now that I have Alaina, I have had one of each kind of child. Connor was "in front of the curve" and was doing and hitting milestones a little on earlier side and Alaina is "behind the curve" and hitting her milestones later. Connor doesn't stop, he is go go go from sun-up to sun-down. Alaina likes to do things in her own time. It's obnoxious that mom's aren't remembering that every child is his or her own person, absolutely perfect just the way they are. Parents (especially new moms) are so stressed and worried about whether or not their baby is developing as it is, the last thing they need is another mom criticizing or judging what is happening in their child's life.

I can honestly say I have been on the receiving end of unintentional baby olympics in life when Connor was born. A lot of us ladies had babies within a 6-8 week period and it was very easy to look at everyone else's child and wonder if your baby is on track. All that self doubt and analyzation crept in daily asking "am I doing enough," "is Connor being challenged enough?" Oh no, Baby X rolled, why isn't Connor rolling? All this undue pressure on myself made Connor's first year more stressful than enjoyable. Into his 2nd year, I started to relax, knowing he was fine in his own time and doing things the way he wanted to do them and with that reassurance I am not worrying about Alaina taking her time to do her thing.

I hear a lot of griping about women being hard on women and we are our own worst enemies...obviously that doesn't stop at mommy-hood. When we share that bond of having perfect, beautiful babies and could share experiencing the joy of motherhood we are instead judging, putting each other down, criticizing other kids and parenting skills. My hope is that I lift up other moms in their challenges that are sometimes different, sometimes similiar to my own. I hope that I find words of encouragement to lift up a stressed out mom whose struggles I don't understand because my struggles are different. I pray that I stop judging others and that others stop judging me on the basis of kids and how they act/behave and they way I chose to raise them.

The Zen Mommy

Is there such a thing as a "zen mommy"? I mean seriously?!? Zen for me only happens (on those rare occasions) in the first 5-10 minutes when I am allowed by my kids to slowly wake up and enjoy that peaceful quiet serenity of the morning sun before my feet hit the floor and I'm off at hundred miles an hour. Can that kind of Mommy actually exist? The one that has a relatively clean house, the laundry always done and the food always on the table on time. The one that has the time for all the housework, makes time for kid-bonding time and kid-free time and still be stress-free, easy-going and enjoy it all along the way?

I was reading an article in my most recent Parent's magazine about being a "Zen Mommy" and rolled my eyes as this woman started to describe herself. Her and husband lived Upstate New York in a monastary. By choice, the couple was up before 4am in silence and did chores and shared meals with 40 other people. Granted, my husband staying silent is sometimes a blessing, but realistically, I mean, what kind of life would that be?!? I heard myself pre-judging this lady until all of a sudden she startes saying something brilliant, like...

Zen wisdom states: Do what you're doing while you're doing it.
Mommy translation: Stop multitasking!
Guilty as charged! I am notorious for checking email, drinking coffee and giving Alaina a bottle- all at the same time. I am horrible at going outside to play with Connor only to stop and do something else because it needs to be done at that exact instant. my life is happening right now! The past is over, the future hasn't happened yet but I am actively living in the present so why am I not living? Why am I cramming 400 activities/tasks into one day and not giving 100% of my attention to something and doing it with love and a full heart?



Zen wisdom says: Leave no trace.
Mommy translation: Take responsibility for yourself and your mess. And teach your children to do the same.

Can I just tell you how many times I plop down after a long day. I finally getting the kids to bed and just sit on the couch. No brain activity happening and all my energy zapped from a day of playing, errands, tantrums, crying or tears, high energy or whatever the case may be for that particular day. I will look at the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room and see stuff sitting around. How do I expect Connor to be responsible for his belongings when, by example, I am not being responsible for mine? Do I expect things to be perfection and sparkling every day? Of course not! I'm not delusional...I mean, seriously, I have an energetic 3-year-old and an just starting to be mobile infant. BUT, I should work on being more aware of what I leave in my wake. I make the joke at the house that there is a "trail 'o Ben." It is a perfect path of everywhere my husband is/ has been from the time he walks in the door until he gets into bed because I can find the remnants of his strewn throughout the house. His boots by the door, his BDU top over the chair, his cup from dinner on the table after the meal, his snack on the table in the living room, his t-shirt on the floor next to the bed. Not that I am picking on my husband, but it is the perfect example of the "traces" we leave behind us that little things add up and there is nothing wrong with teaching Connor (and myself) awareness and responsibility for our belongings.

Zen wisdom says: Take just the right amount.

Mommy translation: Limit acquiring too much stuff.

I think THIS is the downfall of all new mommies (and daddies and grandparents too). We want our kids to have it all. We see a cute toy on the shelf and think "oh that is too adorable to pass up." We want all the coolest educational activities because goodness knows is the "Mommy Olympics" we can't have our kids falling behind the power curve. (Which, by the way, is one of my biggest pet peeves about moms- the Mommy Olympics...maybe I'll blog about it another time.) But I digress... The author of the article asks you to ask yourself this simple question everytime you are tempted to add something into your already jammed-crammed house, "Do I really require as much (food, money, things) as I think I do in this moment?" I actually had this realization a few months ago. Connor had accumulated so many toys and when we started adding Alaina's stuff to the mix, we were simply out of room. Connor's job was to pick 20 items that he was okay giving to someone else. The concept was a little challenging at his age. He kept assuming that if we give toys to someone who needs them, then they give us their toys in return. We'll get there.

So is Zen-Mommyhood possible? Not for this type-A highly structured and organized momma...but I love the lessons from this article and it reminds me that my actions to my kids are louder than any orders I give them, time-out's I put them in or arguments we have. I am the example for my children to follow.

Grace

Things have been a little hectice here for the past month, to say the least. We have hopped from one thing to another with very little break in between. We have enjoyed the fellowship and fun for a week of Pandamania Vacation Bible School (which Connor LOVED and still talks about! PTL for filling my son's heart with the joy of Jesus.) Then we had a week home that was chalked full of cleaning, laundry and errands. All getting ready for one of our many annual trips to Walt Disney World. As always, Connor loved it and I had a ball watching him as he grew more and more excited about seeing characters and riding new rides or seeing things he recognizes from movies we let him watch. Another week home with cleaning, laundry and re-packing means we are leaving tomorrow morning for the Jersey Shore on another family vacation. This one should be the most mellow of all the summer week's we have had so far since we have zero plans but sitting on the beach, playing in the surf and soaking up the sun.

But as I look at the past 4-5 weeks of running, busting my rear-end and juggling everything on my plate, I realize I have been wiped out, bummed out, broken down. It's a ton of stuff constantly going on. Remembering snacks for Connor, all the needs of an infant, all the what if's and just-in-case clothes and medicines. I am not complaining, but reiterating where my mindset has been and why I have such a lack of energy, motivation or desire to do anything lately. I mean, let's face it, in the perfect world our husbands would do 50% of the work around the house because you mutually live there. They would shoulder 50% of everything that happened inside the home or with the family and in reality, that's just not the case. Now, Ben isn't useless...please don't let this come across that way. He is great about playing with the kids when he gets home so I can have some down time, he will put Connor to bed at night so I can get an uninterrupted shower, he takes care of the lawn and other things here and there but in all truth, I am the heart of the household and the majority of things fall upon me. I am better at remembering all the sippy cups, diapers, ear drops, calendars and schedules, Dakota's vitamin, you name it...the little "mundane" day-to-day operations of the house. But this is where the blog post comes in.....grace.

According to the Bible, grace is God's voluntary and loving favor given to those he saves. We can't earn salvation, nor do we deserve it. No religious, intellectual, or moral effort can gain it, because it comes only from God's mercy and love. Without God's grace, no person can be saved. To receive it, we cannot save ourselves, that only God can save us, and that our only way to receive this loving favor is through faith in Christ.

I love and am thankful and humbled by God's grace....so if he continually showers me with His grace and mercy, why do I not give myself a little grace?

Give yourself a little grace. Give yourself a little wiggle room to not beat yourself up when everything doesn't go according to plan. Let yourself breath a little and enjoy and savor the moment instead of rushing through the diaper change to get lunch on the table to shovel the kids off to naptime so you can clean the kitchen and blah blah blah blah blah......

Grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence and the list goes on. It's something money can't buy and credentials rarely produce. Being the smartest, prettiest, the most talented, the richest, or even the poorest, can't help. Being a humble person can and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude. Thank you Philosophy ;)

The Freezer Challenge

When we moved here, I finally convinced Ben to buy a freezer. We have zero room in our stacked fridge/freezer inside the house and so some more room was a definite must. Now that Alaina is getting ready to start solids and I am committed to making baby food at home, I had the idea of freezing some meals to help fill the shelves of this freezer. Let me tell you! Fill 'er up I did! We have no space now in any freezer.

I don't know about you, but some days I totally forget to pull out something to thaw for dinner until it is WAY too late or there are some days that I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and have no desire to cook...this is where freezer meals come in. In the span of 4 hours this morning and a couple hours of prepping yesterday, I successfully froze sweet potatoes, pears and squash for Alaina, two meals of homemade pasta sauce with meatballs, 2 meals of shepherd's pie, 2 meals of meatloaf, cream cheese chicken, brown sugared short ribs, manicotti, almost lasagna, cola chicken, teriyaki chicken, taco pie, salisbury steak with gravy, candied chicken and cheesy ham with potatoes. An entire freezer stocked with food for my family for almost 3 weeks on a morning of time and less than $250! SWEET!

Now, let me tell you....I will NOT be depleting my frozen meals and repeating this process once every 2 weeks. Heck, no! Maybe once a month is more appropriate for my calendar/schedule/needs. The clean-up was monsterous and creatively packing the freezer was a little bit of a challenge but (hopefully) it will be well worth it in the end with the overall goal being saving money in the long run and not going out to eat on the spur of the moment anymore. I guess time will tell!

Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep

Have you ever watched the Christmas movie, White Christmas? It's a beautiful story and one I watch every holiday season. I had never actually seen the movie until after Ben and I were together and, while spending Christmas one year with his mom, we watched it and I was immediately hooked on my "favorite Christmas movie" of all time (to be tied with Polar Express). One of the songs I love the most in White Christmas is when Bing Crosby sings "Count Your Blessings." The lyrics go like this: "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings. When my bankroll is getting small, I think of when I had none at all and I fall asleep counting my blessings." I don't know how many times I have tried this technique. When all the stresses of life lay on my heart and head in the middle of the night, I try to count blessings. Do you know I can't get very far! It's not because I don't think my life is blessed, I do. I truly think I am blessed child of God. I have a family I love and who loves me, my husband has job security, I have healthy and happy children, we have people we can call "true" friends in our lives, among many more things. But it seems as I am laying silently on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling, nothing comes to me. Or the big, overall things to be grateful for...you know, the obvious ones are said and then I get to blessing #12 (still not asleep) and out of ideas.

I blogged a long while back about using an "attitude of gratitude." It the sermon topic one Sunday at church and I was so motived by the thought of literally being able to change my life if I would just change my outlook. If I would just look at everything from a grateful perspective. Every relationship would shift (for me). The way I viewed the world around me, would be sunnier because I took the time to notice the blessings in it...not just rush by it all and try to come up with something to be grateful for at the end of the day. The main point Reverend Hasty was driving home that particular Sunday was that your heart wasn't going to adopt the "attitude of gratitude" because you told it to. No, it was like every other part of your life. It was going to take work to make gratitude a natural habit. So, I took out one of my old journals I had collecting dust under the bed, ripped out all the past entries and started a "Gratitude Journal." I was going great the first day, still going strong on the second, oops, forgot to add anything on the third, was too busy to notice on the fourth, found one thing in the busyness of life on fifth and you see the pattern. It's a tough habit to form and it's even harder to train your brain to look for and find things to be grateful for; especially on those days when the kids are pushing you to the brink, you ran out of milk, the dog is whining again, the laundry pile is so high you are tripped on it it to get to the refrigerator for the umpteenth snack of the day...AHHHH! Life. In retrospect, I know exactly what to be grateful for...children when so people are unable to have any, money ti purchase milk and a car to drive to the store to get it, the ability to cloth our children and keep the clothes cleaned. I should be grateful for the laundry detergent that I have. Grateful for the electricity to clean the clothes for me so I don't have to spend all day collecting water and hand-washing play-stained clothes. But alas, in the midst of chaos we tend to see the next step and that is all we can focus on. We have such a hard time taking a second to give thanks for ANYTHING (unless it's the kids momentary silence) because all we can see are the tantrums, the messes, the lists of to-do's, the breakfasts, lunches and dinners that need to be made.

So, here is what I am doing. I would love to hear if you join with me on some or all of it. I am pulling out my Gratitude Journal. We are going to try again but this time, I have a new method to remind me to stop in my middle of the hustle and bustle and craziness of life to be grateful for things. I found my son's little smiley face stickers! They are magic secret. I remember my step-mom doing this when we were kids. She put a smiley face sticker in her car right in front of the odometer and everytime she looked at it, it reminded her to say a quick prayer of thanks. I am using some of these fun and colorful smiley stickers and placing them strategically around the house. Some of the most obvious of places where I will see them constantly, the refrigerator handle, the coffee maker, the bathroom mirror. Others I want in places I don't go very often. Everytime I see one of those stickers, it will remind me to stop for 5 seconds and offer up a praise of thanks for whatever is going on around me at the time.

The Scales Have Tipped

And no, I don't mean the weight scales....although, I wish they would tip in my favor. I have big dreams of losing weight Biggest Loser style. Walking up to the scale after a week of working ou and having Alison Sweeney tell me I've lost 7 pounds. But alas, it isn't the scales for my weight or body fat I am speaking of.

No no no, friend, it is the scales of balance. I feel like they teeter-toter and one slight movement throws the whole thing off. Connor is my example for today. I have never been so frustrated with one person as I have been with him the last few days. Working out has been great, personal image issues have been getting better, getting housework done and my relationship with my children is terrible. It seems like I can't have it all. Whatever it all is or means. If I devote energy and attention to one thing, the fragile scales tips in that direction and I lose whatever was balancing me out on the other side.

I am going to admit something to you, I don't know if I should be ashamed of this or not....I have been tivo'ing Oprah's last season. Yep, not gonna lie. She has had the most incredible shows and incredible guests on over the past couple months because it's the 25th and final season of the show. So, yesterday, I was watching and catching up and I heard something that has stuck with me and I have been thinking about. When you are strong. No, scratch that...when your roots are strong, your tree can grow and flourish. The breeze, the hail, the storms may come, but when you have that strong and stable anchor, your tree won't blow away. Maybe that's what's going on with me....my roots aren't strong enough. Maybe I have lost focus on what my roots should be and where they should be growing. I keep trying to spread more and more branches and it isn't providing me any true and lasting satisfaction because my roots are shallow to the surface and I need deep and thick roots growing in my soul.

...and that made all the difference

I have worked out 6 days straight! Can I first say, this is a record for me. I have not worked out 6 days in a row in...forever, literally. But more importantly, the 6 days of working out and finding new and fun things to do at the gym besides run on the treadmill like a hampster on a wheel has completely reinvigorated my life. I understand that in 6 days I am not seeing a "physical transformation" yet. But the way I feel internally has me over the moon. I am finding out all the cliches...I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and kids because I have carved out a little personal time for myself, I am more inclined to come home and kick butt around the house with work that needs to be done. I am more proactive about things that have been just sitting around for ages. But still, it is more. I am learning that the more I am trying to take care of my body, the more I deserve to take care of my body. I am spending a few extra minutes when I step out of the shower to put on good body lotion. A few extra seconds to put on some eye cream after I wash my face. I'm not rushing through the shower to get out as fast as I can and falling into bed without even **gasp** washing my face or taking off my make-up some nights. I am learning that I deserve to take care of myself. I owe it to myself to take care of my body, internally and externally. I spend my entire days, all 24-hours of them, taking care of 2 kids, a husband, a house and a dog. I certainly am well-deserved to carve out some time to take care of me. I am happier, healthier, I feel better about myself and, in turn, I am a better wife and mommy. The personal trainer when I had my physical assessment said something really interesting to me that I have been thinking a lot about for the past week. She asked me on a scale of 1-10 what my "desire to acheive my goals" with 10 being "I am willing to do anything it takes." I answered with an 8. When she questioned me about why I told her that, honestly, my family will always come first. There will be some days when both the kids are sick or have had long days or whatever the case may be when I am not able to make it to the gym or find time to work out. Then she told me thay there were 168 hours in a week, would I be able to use 4-5 of them to take care of myself? Yes, ma'am, I think I will.

The Slippery Slope of Parenthood

Friends, I have had it. HAD IT.....in big bold letters, with exclamation points trailing steadily behind. HAD IT!!!

When your kids are itty bitty, I am sure many of you were like me. I refused to have toys overrun my house. I refused to have them scattered and sprinkled about throughout the living area, let alone the dining room, kitchen, bedrooms (including MINE!), bathrooms, hallways....if there is an open spot somewhere, I can bet that there is quite possibly a toy, book, game, stuffed animal, puzzle, crayon or what-have-you filling it. You try so hard not to let your life become filled to the brink with stuff but here we are- 3 short years into the life of my beautiful son and we are toy-crazy! (*Please remember that when I say "toy" I am including all the educational and developmental stuff we have as well.) It's so much! I could never be angry, per se, at the amount of things he has. They were all given with so much love, generosity and kindness from family and friends that we feel incredibly blessed to have so many people care so much for our children- but Daddy and I are being squished out! We are having a "toy intervention!"

This Friday "The Great Toy Clean-Out" begins! The toy contraption (it's a 9-box system with cloth boxes) in our living room is going to Connor's room as are most of the toys that have found their way down there. Connor and Alaina are each going to have a new utility tote (courtesy of 31) downstairs and whatever fits in it is allowed to stay in it...otherwise, upstairs it goes! After Connor's birthday extravaganza, we have also realized that toys are pouring out of our ears! We have toys shoved into Alaina's closet, Connor's closet, and a lot of other crazy places! Some we need to hang on to for Alaina to grow into, but a ton of them have been completely forgotten about. Ben and I decided that 5 toys per year is fair, so a total of 15 toys are getting the axe this Friday. Whether they go to the garage sale or Goodwill, they are out of our house.

Which Holiday Is It Again?

(**I tried to finish this last night but got home too late from church)

There are a TON of holidays on our calendars. Some I understand, some I definitely do not. We celebrate everything from Christmas and Thanksgiving to Arbor Day and Flad Day. Holidays like Earth Day, April Fool's Day, Groundhog Day, Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day...heck, even Administrative Assistant's and the United Nations get a day! So it strikes me as strange that Holy Thursday isn't a "holiday." Most Christians don't even know what Holy Thursday, or Maundy Thursday is.

For me personally, today is second most important Christian holiday, behind Easter. (Yes, I am aware that I am not including Christmas in the top two.) Easter and Holy Thursday are my top 2 for one specific reason- they are the reasons we live in God's merciful peace and forgiveness. Holy Thursday is the day we remember Jesus dying on the cross. Can you imagine God coming to you and asking you to give up your child? Can you imagine God not only coming to you and asking you to give up your child but that your child would be ridiculed, tormented, beaten, spat upon, abused, and mercilessly put to death? God gave us his only child to die for the sins He we had committed yet. That's some pretty powerful stuff.

The Maundy Thursday service focuses on the events surrounding the last hours in Jesus' life. The word "Maundy" was derived from the Latin word "mandare" (to command), and Maundy Thursday stems from the commandment Jesus gave His disciples after washing their feet that night before His crucifixion: "A new commendment I give you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you."

The service, also known as Tenebrae or Service of Shadows, is one of the oldest in the history of the Church. The service slows fades to darkness as we recount the events that led the darkness that fell over the earth on that first Good Friday when Christ was crucified on the cross. It is a truly powerful service to attend and one I would encourage you to, at the very least, try once and see how you feel about it. I mean, let's think about this realistically...we honor the death of Presidents, Martin Luther King, Jr., and don't even get me started on how we view the deaths of celebrities. But we only recognize Christ's resurrection? How is it that we are failing to honor and teach our children what had to happen for Christ to be born again? How are we overlooking the horror, the tragedy, the painful steps that Christ had to endure for each one of us?

One of the anthems sung last night had the following verses: "Alas! And did my SAvior bkeed, and did my Savior die? Would He devote that sacred head for sinners such as I? Was it for sins that I have done he groaned upon the tree? Amazing pity! Grace unknown! And love beyond degree! Well might the sun in darkness hide and shut its glories in, when Christ, the great Redeemer, died for human creatures' sin, thus might I hide my blushing face while His dear cross appears, dissolve my heart in thankfulness and melt my eyes to tear. But tears of grief cannot repay the debt of love I owe."

While the service is sad and emotionally draining, you leave with a humbling reassurance that God loved you so much that He chose this path for His only Son. He chose to do these things for you out of love. There is the hope that Easter morning will come and Christ will rise again. But the real message of my blog about this incredible and powerful Maundy Thursday? What would life be like without the joyous Easter message??

Now that was a workout!

I got a good jolt in the rear end yesterday. I was asked by a friend to go and meet her at the gym. Now, at the exact moment of the text we were still trying to get Connor down for a nap and Alaina was screaming her head off so I politely texted back that I wasn't going to be able to make it. She texted back "Give Ben the baby and get your butt over here." HA! Yes ma'am and away I went. I was so glad for the persistance of a good friend because it got my feet to the treadmill to run 30 straight minutes! I haven't run for 30 straight minutes in a year, at least. This was such a huge accomplishment for me and it was the "zing" I needed to feel re-energized about working out. You know the feeling I'm talking about...that rush that you finished your run. You kicked butt and took names! You pushed yourself just a little further than you thought you were going to be able to. I laid in bed last thinking about how grateful I was that she encouraged me yesterday because I felt so refreshed that I had a little bit of time away from the whining and demanding toddler and the crying and demanding infant. I did something for me.

I did something for me again today, I went back! I talked to my bestie, PJ, a few days ago. She is the most amazing athletic trainer I have ever worked with because she is so knowledgeable about a woman's body and the perfect workout for the kind of body you ultimately want. For example, my weightloss/fitness goals are to lose weight, get toned and get at a point where I can physically begin training for a half marathon this Fall. So the plan of attack is cardio and strength training on M, W and F and straight, good 'ol fashioned cardio on T and R. Definitely get weekends off. On strength training days to shed the pounds and tone up I am doing 3 sets of 12 reps with low weights and hitting every main muscle group in a fast circuit to keep the heart rate up. So this is the plan (and let me just tell you from experience today...this is a good workout. My shirt was soaked and I was literally dripping sweat!!)

One legged squats
Single leg kickbacks
Forward lunges

On the Stability Ball:
Hip Thrusts
Lower Back extension
Incline Dumbbell Press
Incline Bicep Curls
Crunches
Obliques with the weighted medicine ball
Bent over row
Tricep extension
Shoulder Press
Chest Fly

On the BOSU:
Plank hold into push-up's
Shifting or marching
Hamstring Tilt

The Invisible Mother

**So first, let me start with a little disclaimer: I wasn't going to write this post until closer to Mother's Day. I wanted to share a motivational piece I read months ago that meant so much to me. It was so moving, in fact, that (despite being 1-week post partum) it still brought me to tears. However, my dear friend, Kelly had a Facebook status that made me zoom this blog entry up a few weeks to motivate a need she had, which made me think that my other mom friends may have a need for a little reassurance as well.


Here we are....Kelly posted this morning something to the affect of 'I don't know if my husband could survive without me.' When I first read it this morning, I start chuckling to myself. One of those chuckles that had me shaking my head in agreement thinking 'aaahhhh, one of those kinds of days.' I have certainly had those days, weeks where I find myself thinking if my family would starve from hunger, stink from dirty clothes or at the most extreme survive if I wasn't around. Okay, so I know they would survive, but what kind of life would it be for them? I know I have blogged about this before but as the "mom" you wear so many hats, and usually many of them are at the same time. The chef, the personal trainer, the amusement park, the cleaning lady, the nurse, the laundress, the cheuaffuer (sp?), the secretary, the personal assistant, the shopper, the educator, the dog walker (at least in my case), the list is never ending. It feels like we are juggling 14 balls in the air at the same time and magically, we can do so without any of them dropping but it doesn't seem as if anyone else notices. It seems like we work all day long to make sure the laundry is done, the house is cleaned, the dinner is on the table on time, the kids have been actively engaged in something other than the television and the only time someone notices is when one of those things hasn't been done throughout the day. So in light of all that we do as moms, I share with you "The Invisible Mom." Please know that I did not write this nor do I know who did. It was passed on to me through a Bible Study and I love it so much. I hope you do too!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Pick me up at 5:30 please.'

Some days I'm a crystal ball, 'Where is my other sock?', 'Where is my phone?', 'What's for dinner?'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature- but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.' In the days ahead I would read- no, devour- the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals- we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked a man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, no one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall in place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn, no cupcake you've baked, not all the baseball games you went to, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what will become.'

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be build in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there....'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

The Queen of Unfinished Business

Yep, that's me. The Queen of Unfinished Business. I LOVE to start new things. I get the excitement, the rush, the passion to begin a new project, new book, new Bible Study, new workout plan (these are all the ones that are coming to mind right now because they are the ones sitting collecting dust somewhere). I start with energy. I start with enthusiasm and as time wears on and days and days pass by, my energy starts to fade. Heck, I have even forgotten most of my "New Year's Resolutions" at this point! It seems that life gets in the way of the things I want to do for myself. I find myself putting other things (the laundry, the screaming baby, the cleaning, the errands, the carpool, the obligations, etc.) all ahead of my own "list." My personal list that would allow me to have some me time. With a toddler and a newborn, who has heard of such a thing?? But I am getting worn down. I have never been the type of person of get any circles under my eyes from sleep deprivation and man oh man...if you could see me without makeup!!! I look like I just went 2 rounds with Mike Tyson. I am tired...so tired that I didn't hear the tornado warnings go off last week...and I'm a light sleeper!! My point is this. It's not just me being tired or other things getting in the way, although I love to use these as excuses. What is really boils down to is this- I get bored. The "sexiness" or the "newness" of whatever it is loses its appeal and I set it down, never to be heard from again. Well, my sister has inspired me this week. She is taking a fast from all things that distract her from God. She is setting down the internet, turning off the TV, cutting back on harmful things that go into her body (ie. fast and junk food) so she can recharge during this holiest of Christian weeks. I am inspired by her and while I am not internet or TV fasting. Caffeine is my lifeline right now so I probably won't be cutting that out either, what I am doing is taking something on to better myself. I have a fantastic Bible Study that I started weeks and weeks ago- The Frazzled Female. My goal is to pick it back up and if I can't complete it this week, I want to take a huge chunk out of it because I loved it so much when I was doing it. I am revamping my workout calendar, putting together something new for myself and am going to work hard to be diligent enough to make and take time to workout. My scrapbook that is sitting there that needs to be updated since Alaina's birth, yep, I am going to tackle that too and get caught up with the pages and events that have been going on. My sister, Jo, blogged about something that is sitting (at this exact moment) uneasy with me. It makes me uneasy because I am not doing it, any of it. She wrote about Seven Special Steps. 7 steps to a more fulfilled you...a fulfilled you in Christ. Things like: take time for rest (say what?!?), don't overproduce and spread yourself too thin (oops!), steward your energy and focus good 100% energy on a few things you should be doing instead of 50% energy of 400 things you are doing. Are you exercising and recharging daily (yeah, I'm not either)? So, it appears, my journey is never ending. It appears this journey to a new me isn't going to come easily and it's going to take a lot of effort and work, constantly. I need to be okay with that. So this week, my big prayers are for God to remind me to do what is actually important and to make time for the things on my list. Speaking of...I better get off here and get to work!!

So what is the goal here?

Good question....what is the goal here? What is my overall purpose and what are my expectations for my end results? Will I ever be finished? Before I tackle these not-so-easy questions, I actually have one for you: How did you do with my challenge for this past Sunday? Did you take advantage of your day, turn off the distractions and enjoy your families, hobbies or the weather? We did. I can happily report that after we got home from church we spent almost the entire day outside, and we all have the sunburns to prove it! This is also why I have been MIA from daily posting recently. I realized how MUCH I enjoyed not affixing myself to the TV or facebook. It was great and I have spent the last few days finding things to do other than these distractions. So now that beings me back to my blog post title. Yesterday after a super fun cardio workout on just a balance ball, Ben asked me what my overall weight goal is this time. Ideally, my ideal goal would be to weigh (and I can't believe I am putting this out into cyber-space) 105-108. This was where I was post-Connor, pre-moving. Right about the time I was running the half-marathon. I felt so confident and good in my skin. I worked hard but didn't beat myself up if we went out to eat and I had dessert after dinner. Post-move, post-baby, this puts me at about a 30 lb. weight loss target. I told Ben this and he just kind of looked at me and said, "Well, it's a goal to work towards." He's right, you know. Not that it is a goal to work towards, which it is, but that look that says "wow, you're being a little over-confident." He's right. I am being a little optimistic. I have lost 1 lb. so far, so says the scale at the OB's office. And it was that weight loss that made me change my "goal." My goal for weight loss after having 2 kids, being over 30 with a metabolism that hates me right now is to lose 1 lb. Yep, you just read that right. I want to lose 1 lb. And when I lose that 1 lb., I want to lose 1 lb. You see the method to the madness? Instead of shooting for the moon and beating myself up for taking steps back or falling down, I am going to wake up each morning and just put one foot infront of the other. Losing 1 lb. is going in the right direction and that it a fanastic goal for me. Ironically, during my run this afternoon I kept singing a little song in my head. Not a song actually, but the line from a song to keep me motivated. It's from Finding Nemo. It's the part where Dora keeps singing, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." That's all I'm going to do here...keep my head above water and just keep swimming.

How much is too much?

Well, I would love to have something cool and exciting to update you on in my lifestyle journey....but alas, it is the weekend (and a gorgeous one at that!!) and we spent the entire day outside playing and soaking up sun. I guess, in a way, that is part of my lifestyle change. We didn't do anything today but spend quality time outdoors. We lived a slow life today and it was incredible. I guess that is actually where I wanted to go with this tonight....the joys of living the slow life, the simple life. I read something a few weeks ago that has actually stuck with me. The information came from a book on financial security but the reality is, this particular message rings true with every facet of our lives for the current generations. How incredible and amazing it is to me that this is the most advance civilization ever. EVER. We have more medicine, technology, communications, knowledge all at our fingertips. More conveniences than ever before and yet we are the most depressed, overly medicated, unhealthiest, most financially irresponsible group of people. So many people want to quick fix, the fastest way to the results they want. This is why so many people try all those fad diets, play the lottery, go to the doctor for EVERYTHING and demand a pill for EVERYTHING. What happened to good ol' diet and exercise? Eating in moderation? Instead of playing the lottery and wasting your money on the "come on lucky 7's...momma needs a new pair of shoes" every week why aren't we living within our means and stashing away money into savings accounts and retirement accounts? What happened to preventative medicine? Instead of taking more and more drugs why aren't we taking care of ourselves in the first place? It is jaw-dropping to think about how quickly technology has advanced in the past 50 years...we can't even keep up! The second you figure out your new iphone, there is a new model out. So again I say, take a minute and slow down. I challenge you to spend your Sunday (tomorrow) enjoying your family. Really soak up the slow life. Find peace in a technology-free day and let me know how you do!

Change of Mind

This afternoon while I was running around the house, picking up laundry, decorating Alaina's room (finally) and sweeping and moping the floors, I thought about what my blog topic would be tonight. I, at first, wanted to lament about "the curse of the second child" and how slighted they seem to be because of their birth order. Maybe I will save that one for another time. Then I was definitely going to talk about post-pregnancy. The mushy tummy feeling that you have no excuse for since there isn't a baby in there anymore and that need to want to look and feel better. I will definitely get to that one...possibly tomorrow. As the night has worn on and my Facebook continues to explode with comments, posts and links about the government shut down, I changed my mind. I decided to change my topics and talk about stress. Praise the Lord that Ben and I don't live paycheck to paycheck anymore like some couples we know or like we used to live on an E4's salary. Trust me (you non-military readers) when I tell you that the pay, especially for lower enlisted soldiers, isn't anything to write home about. It is certainly more of the attitude that you get minimal pay and great benefits. I can't imagine the stress that some families are feeling right now. I can't imagine the anxiety seeping through all parts of the world, especially our men and women serving in a combat zone. Goodness knows they don't need to worry about the stresses at home since they have enough on their plate with, oh I don't know, piddly little things like keeping themselves alive!!!! The last thing they should have to start worrying about it where the money is going to come from to feed or house their families and they are 10,000 miles away. I am sad that the state of the Union is so poor that this is what our country has come to. We have let pride's, ego's and, realistically, stupid and poor planning turn our great nation into a joke. If the government of the United States of America was a business, it would have been bankrupt years ago. Corrupt as all of Capitol Hill has become, what is more disgusting than anything is that men and women who aren't getting paid will still continue to serve admirably. They will still go to work at 5:30am. and get home after dinner, missing seeing their kids for days on end. They will still miss birthdays, anniversaries, special days because they are out training. They will still deploy. Some will come back with a purple heart, some won't come back at all....and this is first group of people to get the cut. This is first group that Congress decides should be the leverage and negotiation point to get their stupid bills passed. Awesome way to show your respect for all these people have done for this country and way to remind us how important we are.