So after 7+ weeks of either traveling, vacationing, packing or unpacking for vacation, visitors, and just plain old madness, I am back. I am back to having a clean house and a laundry schedule. I am back to hitting the gym. I am back to my normal routine. It feels so good to get back to what "normal" means in my house, but alas...all my excitement about getting back in the groove came to a crashing halt this morning.

I packed my gym bag last night and the kids bag so I had ZERO excuses in the morning. Recently I have been having a tough time getting up in the morning (which is strange for me since I am a morning person) and this morning was no different but I got everyone ready and out the door (albeit a couple minutes later than I wanted). We got to the gym and I decided to weigh myself and see what 7 weeks of damage can do. A LOT! A lot of damage! Almost 15 pounds, sore knees, lethargy, uncoordination, not fitting in clothes, feeling blah all the time has hit me like a ton of bricks. But, for me, it's more than just the weight that is sticking around. That extra baby fat that lingers in all the undesirable places. It is not having the energy to keep up with Connor when he plays soccer. Feeling like I am going to fall asleep in the evenings when we are outside with the neighbors. It's losing that "sexy" feeling when Ben comes behind me to smack me on the butt. It's barely being able to stretch out my knees when I have had them bent too long cutting fabric. It's feeling decades older than 31. It's headaches for no apparent reason. It's that blah fog that encompasses my day to day activities. The mundane ones...I don't even have the excuses of going above and beyond. Nope...it's the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, the dusting, the mopping, the bottles, etc.

A girlfriend reminded me of something last night that I had totally forgotten and so, before this blog becomes more EMO and "I think I need roll over and die", I am going to keep reminding myself of this one phrase..."Who are you?"

After Connor was born, I lost myself then too. I felt like I wasn't anybody. I was a cook, a maid, a financial planner, I was a taxi driver, I was an event planner. While I know I am all of those things....who am I?? I am Connor and Alaina's mom, I am Ben's wife, I am SSG Boyce's wife...I wanted a piece of something that was just me. That was all mine and didn't attach me to anyone or anything else. I will forever be Connor and Alaina's mommy and Ben's wife but some of what I am feeling is more than just extra post-pregnancy weight...it is a loss of Tiffany. So, with that being said and a very sad and blue place right now, I am working for a goal. I am signing up today for the Infantry Soldier Half Marathon that will take place in November here in Fort Benning to benefit the National Infantry Museum and (as soon as I figure out where the sign up is online) I will be registering for the Mogadishu 5K in Uptown Columbus in honor of the 6 fallen Rangers that gave their lives for that particular campaign. I am finding myself again. Running a 5K and a Half is all about me. It is my goal, it is my journey, it is my preparation and the finish line is mine. Without working outside the home, it is hard to carve out a place uniquely for you in your family. This is my chance to clear my head, strive and work towards a goal and stand on my own two feet in a part of my life that doesn't rely on anyone else. I guess I needed this more than I know. All the other benefits will follow; dropping weight, more motivation and energy, increased stamina to keep up with 2 kids but it is the thrill of accomplishing something as Tiffany that brings me more excitement than I can put into words.

In all the hectic and craziness of life, don't lose yourself. Find yourself somewhere. Carve out a piece of your family that is singularly, beautifully yours. Be a role model for your kids that you can be your own person and be a contributing member of your family all at the same time. Make yourself the kind of mom that your son's want to marry and your daughter's hope to be like when they grow up. Be that well rounded ("zen mommy" :) ) that I know is in your heart and soul to be. That's what I am working for now...