mmmm....Jello

Have you noticed that you try to make yourself feel better about mediocrity by talking about it as if it were the best thing ever? That's how I feel about my jello tonight. Jello pudding is good, don't get me wrong. Chocolate jello pudding is a little better but in reality, what I really want is Bruester's Buckeye ice cream or some frozen Girl Scout Thin Mints....now THAT would be divinity. But, I am back on track after cinnamon rolls for breakfast and some leftover pizza for lunch and so I am thoroughly enjoying my chocolate jello pudding. I (typically) have the best motivation for sticking to my goals when I get a good workout in and, in fact, the entire day was great. My run went really well this morning and I used it again for some good meditation and conversation with God. Well, the conversation was good when I stopped focusing on my double sports bra that was holding the girls in place but cramming my waist down and then all I felt was all that baby cush left around the middle. *Sigh...

Oh my

Yep...really no words to explain yesterday than...oh my. It was finals week for Ben and since we were traveling all last week, everything was crammed into a few short days culminating with a long weekend of Ben being gone to the library, late night writing sessions and an entire Sunday (from 6:00am.-midnight) of working non-stop on the remaining research papers, exams, and discussion boards he had left. Which left me, to do the rest. I'm not gonna lie to ya, I was so frustrated. However, I don't mind picking up the slack because all these college courses are working towards finishing his degree to better our future. Me picking up the slack, incredible exhaustion and a gorgeous weather weekend means there is much to be desired in every aspect of what I am trying to do here. The house right now is almost laughable. I literally could not find a spot on the counter to put a plate to make Connor's breakfast or pour his milk. I literally can not walk in the laundry room because so much has piled around the washer and dryer and to boot- Connor has ZERO clean jammies left to wear to bed tonight. There are ZERO overnight diapers left and I can't find my steambags to clean Alaina's binks or breastpumping stuff. The fridge is jammed packed with food falling out when you open the door with all the good and healthy things I bought on Thursday to help me accomplish my weight loss goals and I buckled under the weight of Connor's whining and my laziness for an easy morning and had cinnamon rolls...again. I feel like this is exactly why women have mental breakdowns. Mom's go crazy and fall off the deep end. I'm not saying I'm there...not even close. But you try so hard to create a kind of order and serenity for your home, and that idea is AMAZING until the dog walks in with dirt on her paws, and the baby cries because she's hungry and then spits up all over the place and then cries some more and your toddler whines about the un-fairness of life because you put on Mickey instead of Jake and the Neverland Pirates or the cheerios he begged for 3 minutes ago isn't what he wanted at all and should I even start on husbands?!?! But you know what....I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, maybe a maid service every 2 weeks would be nice. And Curtis Stone to cook my oh-so nutritious and delicious meals for my family...possibly Bob and Jillian to whip my post-pregnancy butt in to shape (well, maybe not Jillian, she would make me cry). But honestly, I love my life. I am blessed that God put Ben in my life. I am doubly blessed for my beautiful (if not ornry sometimes) and amazing children. Life is good, you know? Stinky diapers, muddy paws, a lawn that needs to be cut, laundry that needs to be done- it's all okay. It will get done and just so you all know...this is not usually my personality. All these things that need to be done would normally put me into panic mode overdrive, but I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. There will be enough time to get it all done and if there's not....well, there's always tomorrow.

And a sigh just about sums it up

Well, I guess the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" is just about appropriate now. Not a complete bust, but man....when I fall off the short lived wagon, I want to jump right into the abyss and end the day on a high (or low- depending on your view point) note. Now, weekends are "free" workout days. I only planned on working out M-F but this morning, Ben suggested going to the gym so I could lift this morning. We would take the kids and he would let Connor roll around on the wrestling mats. Sounded like a fabulous plan....until Ben couldn't get his butt in gear. It took him 2 hours from the time we "woke up" to the time he actually decided to open his eyes and get up. Pathetic. Must be nice to sit on the recliner with cartoons on to keep Connor occupied while holding Alaina so she stays quiet and continue to sleep, while Mommy does some laundry, cleans up the kitchen and gets things ready and prepped for the day. But, I am also working on strengthing my relationship with my husband so I gently ask him 472 times to please wake up and get moving. Instead of going to workout out, we go to Walmart to get a new propane tank for the grill. I guess this ended up being a good thing because a lot of dinner plans for the next few weeks include grilled veggies, chicken and fish. I did make homemade gazpacho for lunch. Talk about yummy! I was mildly surprised. Full of veggies with a little bit of a kick and paired with a turkey sandwich...yum-o! Oh, and a side note, I bought that dessert gum at Walmart too. It tastes like Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. It gives my mouth something to do inbetween meals when I am itching for something sweet. Spending time with my kids...yep have that one covered too. Last night, Connor and I had a date night to watch Tangled on the big screen under the stars. And when I say big screen I mean big screen!! It was the size of a drive-in theatre. He sat with his girlfriends for the first 20-30 minutes and then after that, Mommy's lap was the seat of choice and I couldn't have been more excited. Connor hasn't cuddled with me like that since he was breastfeeding and was forced to. Every once in ahilw during the movie, I would lay my head back in my chair, look up at the stars with Connor nuzzling under my chin and feel overwhelming blessings. For as frustrating as Connor can make me, he can also be so supremely sweet and loving. Overall, another good day. Wrapping up with baths for everyone and some basketball. Church tomorrow, hopefully a really good sermon will set the week off on the perfect foot.

Day 1

I don't think I could have picked a more perfect time to start this new adventure. Day 1 is almost at a close and I am pleased with how it went. So here is the update from today. I figured out that I wasn't very prepared for my "diet" part of this mess. I needed to have a couple things prepped that I forgot about and so in the future, I need to really pay attention to my menus for the next couple days to make sure I have everything to prevent slip-up's. Slip-up number 1 was the absolutely divine cinnamon roll I chowed down on before I went for my first C25K workout. I make Connor cinnamon rolls every Friday and there was no way I could resist their ooey-gooey yumminess with a warm cup of hazelnut coffee first thing in the morning. Slip-up number 2 was the chicken nuggets I shared with Connor for lunch (this is where I forgot to prep!) But otherwise, I followed it all and felt really good and suprisingly, not nearly as hungry as I thought I was going to be! As I already mentioned, day 1 of C25K went well. It was 20 minutes total, alternating between walking for 90 seconds and jogging for 60. If you saw my "jogging" you would crack up. Anyone with a normal leg length could easily keep up with a brisk power walk! But I did it and as a bonus....I used my entire quiet, non-music time to praise the Lord for all the blessings I saw along the way. The gorgeous sun, the cool breeze, the Springtime birds singing, the wildflowers (otherwise known as weeds) in people's yards I passed. I praised Him for a husband who has the ability to let me get in early runs and that we were able to purchase another vehicle so I didn't have to drive him to the library this morning. It was like a 20-minute meditation and conversation with God and when I got home, I felt incredible! My time with Connor and Alaina was blessed as well. Instead of camping out in front of the computer or what-have-you today, I got 3 loads of laundry done, cleaned the kitchen and dining room, put away some clothes and still had time to play play-doh with Connor, color with chalk on the driveway, go on a walk with a pit-stop at the park and do a few puzzles together as well as cuddle with Alaina on the couch while Connor took his nap. Trust me, I am not blogging about this to toot my own horn but the amount I got done today when I shut off the triggers that are major distractions for me was astounding. But I think the major helper today, was that first thing in the morning, I asked God to help me. I knew I couldn't and can't make these life changes on my own. I need help and, as always, He stepped right in the show me I could do this as long as I keep inviting God on my journey. I would love to have everyone continue following me on this journey, but I won't be posting my blog updates any longer on Facebook. If you would like to get the latest blogs about my journey, please become a follower of the blog or check back daily!