And no, I don't mean the weight scales....although, I wish they would tip in my favor. I have big dreams of losing weight Biggest Loser style. Walking up to the scale after a week of working ou and having Alison Sweeney tell me I've lost 7 pounds. But alas, it isn't the scales for my weight or body fat I am speaking of.
No no no, friend, it is the scales of balance. I feel like they teeter-toter and one slight movement throws the whole thing off. Connor is my example for today. I have never been so frustrated with one person as I have been with him the last few days. Working out has been great, personal image issues have been getting better, getting housework done and my relationship with my children is terrible. It seems like I can't have it all. Whatever it all is or means. If I devote energy and attention to one thing, the fragile scales tips in that direction and I lose whatever was balancing me out on the other side.
I am going to admit something to you, I don't know if I should be ashamed of this or not....I have been tivo'ing Oprah's last season. Yep, not gonna lie. She has had the most incredible shows and incredible guests on over the past couple months because it's the 25th and final season of the show. So, yesterday, I was watching and catching up and I heard something that has stuck with me and I have been thinking about. When you are strong. No, scratch that...when your roots are strong, your tree can grow and flourish. The breeze, the hail, the storms may come, but when you have that strong and stable anchor, your tree won't blow away. Maybe that's what's going on with me....my roots aren't strong enough. Maybe I have lost focus on what my roots should be and where they should be growing. I keep trying to spread more and more branches and it isn't providing me any true and lasting satisfaction because my roots are shallow to the surface and I need deep and thick roots growing in my soul.
Girl, I SO can relate to this. My life is EXACTLY the same right now. I'm finally seeing some results from working out (they are minimal, mind you, but it's better than the months I went with nothing), and that makes me so much more focused and excited to go to the gym! BUT, my house is falling apart (literally- everything is breaking) and my relationship with Claire is not at its best. I think it's a combination of me trying to balance that ever-so-delicate teeter-toter, her being out of school and needing to be entertained CONSTANTLY, the fact that this is the first time in her life that she has been home with me AND a baby all day, she is very strong-willed, and my patience just doesn't go that far. Among other things. As disorganized as I am, I'm also pretty OCD when it comes to getting things done. If I can't do it perfectly (or darn near close) I just won't do it at all. I don't clean the house because I know I won't have time to do every room, and it'll be messy again in an hour anyway. I've been inconsistent with my quiet time because if I can't get up early and start my day with it and don't get to do it until the day is almost over at naptime, there's no point (hence the lack of roots). I know this is a problem for me and I need to change it- I just don't know how. My scales are off balance a lot. Claire is at an age where she knows what she wants and most of the time, it's different from what I tell her to do which causes a thousand battles every day and like you, I have never been more frustrated with one person ever before. I am exhausted. Sorry for the longest comment ever, I can just totally relate and wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I'll be praying for you! <3
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