And I am so pregnant

You know, I have an inate disdain for women who gush and glow about how they loved being pregnant. How they would have more babies because they just love being pregnant. One of the women I carpool with to Connor's school is one of those women. She truly loved being pregnant, wants to do it again, have more kids, would carry growing babies in her belly for other women who couldn't carry their own. I am not one of those women. I am the exact opposite of those women. I am convinced that this is our last baby because I dislike being pregnant that much.

Let me first clarify that if pregnancy was THAT bad, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant again. It is not so miserable that it deters women from having multiple kids. It is one of those things where you definitely can put into action the phrase, "the end justifies the means." The joy and blessings of having children far outweighs the 9 months of pure ickiness you feel carrying around a baby. This is also not to say that there aren't cool moments of being pregnant. The first time you hear your baby's heartbeat; the first time you see your baby on the monitor in the ultrasound; the first time you feel your baby kick that little flutter and certainly the first time you feel those really strong, sure kicks that reassure you everything is going exactly as it should be.

However.....at 9 months pregnant, I hate how big my belly is getting. I know I am supposed to get big, but I hate thinking about all the work it's going to take to get back into shape again. I hate that I get the "Pridemore butt" when I'm pregnant. I hate not sleeping a whole night through because I need to use the bathroom, need to eat something or I'll get sick or just plain uncomfortablness has made it impossible to turn over. But let me go one further and say that because I am so small, I deal with a whole slew of issues most pregnant women never have to face or don't deal with until the very end of their pregnancy. The extra weight on a 4'9" frame feels double and triple what the poundage actually is, it makes it difficult to breath, eat, move, turn, bend, everything is a challenge starting about 7 months or so.

I'm done complaining...and PS, I am also done being pregnant. Anytime Alaina would like to make an appearance, I am A'OK with that ;)

Weighing on My Mind

So, about a week ago, I posted a comment and eventually the link to the article about Disney not making "princess" movies for awhile because boys thought they were "icky" and girls are thinking they are too cool for school at an earlier and earlier age.

I was honestly shocked at how many responses I got back from people blaming Disney for the downfall of girls and shame on Disney and la la la la. To me, that was as ignorant as the parents who sued McDonald's because their child became obese when he ate McDonald's food. Everyone knows I am a HUGE Disney advocate. Any place that promotes just plain 'ol being happy, is a good place in my book. I adore going but I never understood how much joy and pleasure it would bring me until I started going with my son. The excitement and true childhood euphoria he brings is unbelievable.

I guess it took me a little aback that everyone was so quick to jump on the "hate on Disney" bandwagon. I am a big supporter of the Confidence Coalition. An organization that helps young girls regain self-confidence that leaves them "vulnerable to eating disorders, relational aggression, peer pressure and more." Look around, ladies. Disney isn't the issue....society is the issue and our need for E! News, pop culture, scandalous movies, Victoria's Secret magazines, etc. only contributes to what WE are feeding these girls. We are the parents who are letting our daughters, nieces, friends' children, cousins, neighbors either fall into a sad state of self-loathing or the ones who are doing the bullying.

According to statistics,
74% of girls say they are under pressure to please everyone;
31% of girls ages 13-17 admit to starving themselves or refusing to eat as a strategy to lose weight;
40% of girls ages 11-17 say they do not play sports because they do not feel skilled or competent;
Roughly 1/3 of high school girls report being sexually active;
60% of teen girls say they compare their bodies to those of fashion models.

As I am about to become the mother of a girl, one who WILL be picked on and made fun of because she will be different from her classmates, I know what my job is as a parent. My job is to do everything in my power to empower my daughter. Empower her to think big, love herself and accept one another without feeling the need to put down other girls. I want her to honor the talents the Lord blessed her with without shame. I know I can't change the world. I know I can't make everything sunshine and roses for my daughter, but I can teach her to hold her head high when others around her sink to low levels. I can teach my son to respect everyone around him and always hold women with the utmost dignity.

Frugal on my Mind

I don't really want to use the word "cheap"....but I mean, honestly, if I am saving my family money, you can call it anything you want.

I am on a new found mission to cut costs, save money, find deals and "do it yourself" any time I can now. I have been stressing about cutting back here and there lately because the house we own in Savannah hadn't sold or been rented out and it was starting to become a financial burden to upkeep and, at the same time, maintain our lifestyle (which is NOT extravagant) in Columbus. So, couponing and deal hunting through www.savingmyfamilymoney.com, www.faithfulprovisions.com and now my latest find (thanks to an amazing fellow RGR wife, Cortney), www.funsavingmom.blogspot.com is out there too to help novice couponers/savers like myself. I was doing great and really proud of the money I had saved and essential items I was able to stock up on by doing a little extra work and research.

First of all, let me say that our house has finally been rented!! Praise the Lord!! I can honestly tell you that I believe it took so long to get someone in there because I never prayed for God to help us sell or rent our home, but that if it was going to happen, to let the right people move in. I believe that is what He has done for us. The couple moving in seems very nice, our age (so hopefully they are a little more respectful than a younger couple may be), in the military.

Even though some of the financial burden is lifted....saving my family money and being able to put away for "extras" or the "oh-no's" has become a lot of fun and a bit of a challenge- a challenge I am actually REALLY enjoying.

This year for Christmas our family can expect homemade gifts. I am researching the cost of doing some things at home (just to make sure it evens out to be less expensive), cutting back on everything I can think of. My newest undertaking is making a baseball headboard for Connor's new full-size bed. It took me a few hours of searching, but I finally found a do-it-yourself upholstered baseball that is used for a child's headboard...I am so excited to get that one started!! Another blog I have found (from another awesome RGR wife, Alison) is www.classycolumbusdesigns.blogspot.com. She has fantastic kids crafts and activities that are really inexpensive and really, really cute.

I understand we can't save on everything we buy....but the challenge of saving on as much as we possibly can has gotten to be, dare I say, a ton of fun!?!

Abundant Life

So.....Connor is officially enrolled as a student for the Fall. He will go to First Presbyterian Church 3 days a week for 5 hours a day. The education he will receive here has Ben and I over the moon. He will learn how to act appropriately around other kids, his letters, numbers, colors and all sorts of fun other stuff. He has to go to library, gym, art and, our favorite, chapel, once a week and participates in a service project once a month.

So, what's the problem? Where does that leave me? I am a Stay-at-Home mom. My entire life and job revolve around the fact that I have a child at home who I provide and care for. When he is not here, what happens to me? I pondered the idea of getting a part-time job, but then my DH reminds me of doctor's appointments, travels, trying to get pregnant (or becoming pregnant again) etc. Who is going to hire someone for a part-time job when I am expecting a baby, taking off to take my child to the doctor and I am so unstable in my scheduling? He is right, part-time work for me (at this point) doesn't make a lot of sense.

I am torn. I want to be of value to someone and this thought has ridden my shoulders for a couple days....ever since the decision to send Connor to school. Do I have worth or will I always be the unthanked and unpaid baker, chef, personal assistance, party planner, personal shopper, laundress, chaeuffuer, executive assistant, financial consultant, maker of mud pies, human waste santitation worker....you get my point! I may always go unthanked...but I didn't choose this life for myself to get thanks for a job well done. I will do my job and do it well....my ultimate "thanks and praise" will come if I have successfully raised my children in a loving, caring and well-adjusted home and they can fondly look back on their childhood as a wonderful experience.

However, am I worth anything else? That is still the question lingering....until I read my daybook reading for the day. It was all about being a "homecarer." In a nutshell, she reminded me to do things joyfully and with love in my heart. My endless tasks of laundry and picking up the toys and shoes that sprinkle the floor and everything else that goes on here only solidifies my goal- to make our life here full of comfort. When my husband comes home, will there be clutter on everything bolted down? After we sit down in the family room to enjoy our time together before Connor goes to bed, is it so trashed with toys and junk that it isn't a peaceful experience? We are given a choice each day. We can react negativelyto the demands made on us or we can choose to live abundantly, to transform the negative into the meaningful. If I don't recognize the value of what I am doing inside the home, certainly no one else will. "And if being a homemaker isn't sacred, then forgive me, for I truly have no conception of the Divine." When I am nearly bowed under physically, emotionally, and psychologically by the mundane, it is these times when I need to remember the sacredness of the ordinary. Ordinary is a pretty amazing life! I get to provide for my family harmony and order. I get to provide a safe and serene place they get to call home. What a blessing for me!!

On this Mother's Day weekend....remember that you are providing for your family more than they will ever be able to thank you for! When you wonder if the endless pile of laundry and dishes and picking up and vaccuming and putting away will ever be finished....it won't! But that's okay and so is the life you chose to give your husband's and your children and thanks or no thanks, I pray the endless love from them bursts your heart to overflowing!

All over the place

It's been a month since my last blog and I don't know where I have been. We have been busy. We have been enjoying being a family. But I haven't been where I need to be, at the same time. My life is so wonderful right now. The love I feel for my husband is above and beyond, the love and adoration I feel for my son is more enveloping than words can express....but I am lacking in my love for the Lord. I have found it so difficult to keep up on my Bible Study and I am definitely not getting the fellowship that I need. I feel like some of my biggest and greatest prayer requests that I can ever remember having aren't being answered and in my frail and weak human mind, I want the answers and direction now......not when it truly is the appropriate and perfect time and place.

I have put on some weight since we have moved and I am feeling very uncomfortable in my skin, both physically, but also mentally and emotionally as well. So, I posted a quote on Facebook and in true and typical God fashion, it has been in my face and everywhere I turn ALL DAY LONG! The quote was "If you want something in your life to change, you have to change something in your life."

Biggest Loser smacked me in the face, reminding me that to get healthy again it needs to be a priority before it is a situation that takes more than just monitoring my food and exercise. Health problems run in both Ben's and my families and we don't want to pass that heavy burden onto Connor when we can break the cycle. I read my Bible Study, Power of a Praying Parent" this morning and it smacked me in the face, reminding me that just because I have been saved doesn't mean I slack off. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." John 14:12-14.

I need to be the change I want to see. Is something lacking in my life? Be the change!

Hahaha....ah-ha!

I had my ah-ha moment this morning but, unfortunately, it has been a gradual progression and it is a good ah-ha in that I am so thankful I had it, but am really sad it took me so long.

I needed the Lord and I neglected Him because of 4000 excuses I had but it remained that I thought my way was better and that I had it all under control. Dear Child, the Lord tells me....if only you remembered Me.

So, let's start from the beginning. Packing day two weeks ago was sad. I watched everything boxed up and our entire life sitting in the garage and in our rooms in brown cardboard boxes. Loading day was worse...I was so sad but too busy to recognize it. Our entire home was loaded onto this HUGE truck in less than 3 hours and it was at that moment, when we loaded the rest of the stuff into our cars and packed up the kids that the overwhelming sensation set in that "this was it." I had a horrible sick feeling the entire drive to our new "home." I was leaving my friends and support system, I was leaving our home that is still unsold, I was going to a place I didn't know with people I didn't know. We got here and stayed in the house with no furniture for a few days, I got sick, we ate fast food for every meal, our stuff got here and we were overloaded with boxes and I didn't know where to start, got more sick, Connor has been acting out, and to top everything off now....my beloved Grandmother is, probably, dying of pancreatic cancer.

I have been trying to pray at night when I go to bed and it just didn't seem to be doing the trick...I was, virtually, doggie paddling and barely keeping my head afloat between sadness, lonliness and fear. I praised Him a few nights for making this amazing change in my husband who is becoming (again) the man I married, no longer angry and frustrated with his job and family, but again overwhelmingly loving, kind, caring and patient....he is the beautiful person I knew him to be when I fell in love with him. I praised Him for showing my sister the light of His word to "rediscover" her faith in Him. My heart burst with excitment to hear the words from her mouth that she is turning her gorgeous face to His hands and for His purpose. And yet, I was still sad.....

After news of my grandmother yesterday, I felt like someone had literally taken my heart from my chest and broke it in two. I felt like I was going to throw up. She is a rock and the most god-centered woman I know. She completely, whole-heartedly lives her life to please Him and praise Him. I reflect on her prayer journal occasionally that is dated 1944. She is the type of Christian, mother, woman I would want to more emulate in my life. As I prayed for peace for her and our family, I asked myself, "How would Gamas respond to this situation....how would she, is she handling it?" Hahahahaha....I literally, started laughing outloud and here is my ah-ha moment....of course it is. Once again, God smacked me upside the head and said, "Precious Child, I was here the entire time....you just needed to come to Me." Of course my Gamas would turn to the Lord and here I was for 2 weeks ignoring His constant calls.

I found the motivation to re-open my Beth Moore "Breaking Free" study and picked up where I left off. I am not there yet...but I feel more at peace. Through His grace, I found the time to do what I needed to do at the house, complete one day of the Bible Study and even have a little relaxation time before Connor woke up from his nap. Praise Him that he let me fit in all in. It is, most certainly, not my time management skills that let me accomplish it all today and still fill the fullness of the joy and love His provides. Each time my world is "falling apart" and the stress seems more than I can bear, I can bet it is because I have left my God somewhere. Or, in Beth Moore's words, I wasn't on the same journey God was on for me. I got lost, but rest assured, I am making my way back on track now. Praise Him for ah-ha moments!

First taste

We are t-minus our first PCS (permanent change of station). This is my first taste of the bittersweet effects of a military move. When I moved away from home to Hunter Army Airfield with Ben the morning after we got married, I had a tough time. I cried my eyes out saying good-bye to my family and the life I had known for almost 25 years.

This is different. The excitement of a new adventure is the same, but when I left my friends and family in Ohio, I knew I would see them again. They have been a part of my life for so long that I knew moving wouldn't diminish the relationships I shared with any of them, despite the distance and few times I got to come back to Cincinnati. When you make a military move, you know as you take those last things off the wall and watch the movers pack up your life that you may never again see some of the people that (for your time at your current duty station) were the backbone of your world. It's not for lack of want, but lack of finances that make it impossible to see some friends again.....only fate let's you meet again somewhere in the world under different circumstances at yet another duty station.

Some of these women I have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know here at Hunter may not be my best friends who know me better than all others...but they became my sisters. They were the only ones who knew the sadness and loneliness of deployments and the joy and overwhelming excitment at a 4-day weekend. They are the blessed few who understand the anticipation of another "honeymoon" because their husbands are coming home from another deployment and no one judges you because you disappear for a few days or weeks while you try and figure things out with the husband who came home from a long TDY. We are at each others baby showers and kids birthday parties, we share struggles and triumphs, we cry and laugh at the same "war stories." These women start book clubs, Bible studies, lunch groups and playdates to help pass the time and stay connected. I have known so many of these ladies for less than 2 years and the connection we share is beyond what words can express.

I am so grateful that these women have been a part of my life through such a challenging past 5 years. I couldn't be more excited for the next chapter in our lives at Fort Benning. We are going to experience, for the very first time, what it means to be a family. To have the time to bond without the threat of a deployment looming overhead, the thrill of having weekends to actually do an activity outside of a 30 minute radius, the joy of a fairly predictable schedule....but I am so sad. I am so sad that I am leaving behind another family. The bittersweet taste is hard to swallow even though I know it is beautiful and wonderful things in our future. Best make the most of these last two weeks and make them count!

We went to church last night for Ash Wednesday services. I was going to go by myself because Ben was still a little under the weather and service started at 6:00pm., which is nearing on Connor's bedtime. Last minute, Ben thought it would be good to go as a family. I was thrilled that he thought so but a little apprehensive because I know what Connor is like in church, doubled with an incredibly out of routine night.

Ash Wednesday is one of my favorite church services; it symbolizes so much in the Christian faith. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, the beginning of the 40 days Jesus went into the wilderness right before holy week and my very favorite holiday of them all, Easter. The entire season of Lent means so much to me because it is a very tangible reminder that we are capable of starting over, starting fresh. Lent usually falls right smackdab into the beginning of Spring and what better reminder of a beautiful, fresh start than the sun shining, birds singing, tulips, daylilies, and all those gorgeous spring flowers in bloom? I really love this time of year.

Outside of the religious significance of Lent, the sermon last night was about internal vs. external appearances. How much time, money and energy we spend to look "beautiful." Unfortunately, internally, most of us aren't that great. They don't sell Sephora for the soul.

Now, don't get me wrong. I make it a priority to look presentable and I don't think anyone expects you to stop taking care of yourself but the point is this. Are you investing as much time being the best person you can be? Is it anywhere near as much time as you invest on your external appearance? What a great season to start making some changes so the internal and external are more in line.

And P.S.- Connor was a great boy in church!

I'm a Woman

Have you ever heard that song? It's from Smokey Joe's Cafe. One particular verse says, "I can rub and scrub till this old house is shinin' like a dime; Feed the baby, grease the car and powder my face at the same time. Get all dressed up, go out and swing till 4 am and then lay down at five, jump up at six and start all over again 'cause I'm a woman.....Double U- O- M- A- N."

Sound familiar? I think so too. I have been pretty impressed by women lately. What incredible creatures we are and what we are capable of doing day in and day out. This whole thought process came to me in (unfortunately) a moment of pride. Ben has been sick this weekend and it has really been the worst I have ever seen him. I decided the last couple nights to sleep on the couch and as I woke up this morning at 5:30am. cranky and with an aching back, I grumbled to myself about why I offered to sleep on the not-near-big-enough couch and I remembered (as I was soooooo proud of my wifely accomodations) that Ben needed a good sound night of sleep to help fight off whatever he has and my kicking him all night because he is snorning probably wouldn't help remedy the situation. But it got me thinking about being a woman in general. So much is expected of us and we are capable of so much that I am awed by being a woman. We selflessly offer the bed to our sick husbands so they can heal, we stay up all night listening to our sick babies cough in their sleep, we brew the coffee and let the dog out and get the milk sippy ready all at the same time, we are the organizational engineers of our homes.

I read a passage once in the book, "Power of a Praying Wife." At the time, I hated every second of the book. I felt like it degrated a woman as a wife into being the lower class citizen in a marriage. The line said, "The husband is the head of the household, but the wife will always be the heart." Eww, how I fought that when I read it!! But, after really thinking about it and thinking about every couple I know, it is so true. Men do hold a lot of stock in the ability to provide for their families, but women hold stock in the ability to care for the ones we love. We manage an entire household by giving it all of ourselves. We are, by nature, givers and tend to feel a lot of joy from giving to the people we hold most dear.

I thought that maybe this head/heart roles of the relationship and home only applied because Ben was the only one working and I was the one who ran the house and am raising our son but it's not the case. Women are the heart regardless of one or more or no children, whether they work outside or inside the home, whether there is a lot of money to go around or if it is tight at the end of the month. My mother and mother-in-law both worked outside the home when we were growing up and they put in as many hours as our dad's did but when they got home, the professional hat came off, Mommy hat came on and they picked up second shift of their second job....the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and everything else. I'm not saying that dad's don't pitch in...but the man and dad of the house is better at different things. Women are good at providing all the love, all the nurturing, all those non-event specific memories of a home that we tend to remember when we think about our childhood's. I am so proud to be a woman. I am proud that I have the capacity to provide for my children love and respect for women that men can't. This isn't man-bashing, this is woman-praising.

Is there a woman who is your role model? Do you admire her for any reason? Have you told her what an incredible woman she is? You should! Celebrate women and celebrate being a woman.....fully capable of doing it all! "I can stretch a green back dolla bill from here to kingdom come; I can play the numbers, pay my bills and still end up with some. I gotta twenty dollar goldpiece that says there's nothing I can't do. I can make a dress out of a feedbag and make a man outta you 'cause I'm a woman. Double U- O- M- A- N! I'll say it again. Cause I'm a woman, Double U- O- M- A- N and that's all."

And in this corner

Is the amazing juggling woman.....watch her as she glides through her day juggling 15 hoops all at one time and isn't it incredible...she only drops one or two at a time at any given time ;)

Hahaha- I am a big fan of analogies and the "Amazing Juggling Woman" feels like the perfect fit for this week. I read a book, actually finished a book, last night that I can honestly say has changed my life as a wife. It is called "Redeeming Love" and was recommended to me by another Christian, military wife. I am specific in describing her because it is important to note that the book is religious fiction (it is actually labeled as romance-fiction). It completely opened my eyes to some important facts I had glazed over about marriage...real truths (from a religious point of view) that I had missed in the almost 5 years I have been married.

We military wives tend to play the part of the martyr REALLY well without ever meaning to. Most of us never want people calling with their sympathy when our husbands are on another deployment, we are incredibly self-sufficient, independent and empowered women. I would go so far as to say that many of us are "role models" to the outside world because we do what most wives don't want to think about- keep our heads held high, the house running beautifully and we seem to keep making it work while our marriages keep going strong. But we also tend to look down at "outside" wives because they don't understand and will never understand that feeling of being so completely empty without your other half, that insane feeling of loneliness at night when you are settling down before bed....you get the picture. The book really opened my eyes to my placing my husband where my God ought to be. I expect my husband to really fill up my heart when, in fact, that isn't his job as my husband. It is God's job (as I am willing and accepting) to fill my heart and for my husband to provide love and companionship.

So, here we are at the amazing juggling woman....after reading this book, meditating and praying about it, I have thrown another ring in the air. The ring to be a better, more supportive, less expecting (that my husband can provide everything) wife. I have thrown the ring in the air to provide everything I can for Connor and not gripe about being exhausted but praise because I am blessed with a fantastic and loving child. I have thrown the ring in the air to be a better military wife and not complain when the job calls my husband away because I can proudly say that my husband has a job that brings honor to our family; that he CHOOSES to serve his country and I CHOOSE to stay married and be faithful makes it impossible for me to be negative about the lifestyle we lead. I throw my ring in the air to be a better "housewife" (noted to be different from wife) that my making the decision to be a stay-at-home mom didn't mean that my job was to play with Connor and that was I got to do, but my fulltime job is running a smooth and efficient household and all it entails. I throw my ring in the air to be a more faithful child of God, to not only ask of Him in times of need and despair to hold my hand through the fires, but also to praise His name for the glorious proverbial sunshine of my life. I have thrown my ring in the air to be a better friend, sister, mother, child, wife and person because it is not only what is expected of me, but more importantly what I expect of myself and I am firmly confident that by being the amazing juggling woman who has love for others and joy in my heart I will find the peace and contentment I long to have.

So fake

I seem to be meeting a lot of fake people lately...or realizing how many people I thought were friends are "fake friends." I have a lot of qualities about myself I wish I could change...being fake is not a quality I possess. I (generally) will always be nice to you because I am a nice person and I (generally) like everyone. I also find myself giving others a lot of second, third, fourth, etc. chances because I do believe in the inherent goodness of others- even if it is to my detriment.

I am so over people who are fake. I would rather have two friends who are true and honest than 100 fake friends who are talking about me behind my back. It is too exhausting for me and I don't need your bad karma in a 40 foot radius of myself or my family.

And good will come

I will be honest here....my running is completely selfish. I wanted to start running for so many reasons and absolutely zero of them were/are for the benefit of anyone other than myself.

* I started running to rid myself of the extra/leftover baby fat that made me feel like a beached whale.

*I started running to have something to call mine.....it had nothing to do with being Ben's wife, Connor's mother, SSG Boyce's wife, etc. It was all mine.

*I started running as something to do to help pass the time. Being a stay-at-home mom has a handful of challenges that working moms don't ever face...trying to fill the hours. There is more than enough to do around the house during a day to keep me busy but who wants to spend all day every day inside your home??

*I started running because I felt like those closest to me didn't think I could do it.

All selfish! Even my last blog about crossing the finish line was selfish...it was about the feeling I got when I crossed the line and the feeling of accomplishment I felt from having completed a goal I worked so hard to reach.

Then I got an email from my step-mom who also completed the race. Turns out, for all my selfishness and self-serving, good came to others from my being part of the largest Disney Marathon Weekend to date and the largest combination race weekend in the country. Organizers collected more than 26,000 pounds of shed clothing along the race route (my sister and I did our part by "donating/shedding" two sweatshirts and two pairs of socks) which will be washed by Disney Textile Services and the donated to Coalition for the Homeless and the Salvation Army of Central Florida. In addition, runners collected $5.4 million dollars for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. How incredible to be part of something so much bigger than I!

The end...

Is this the end because Endurance Weekend happened? Oh no! This is only the beginning!

My sister and I ran our very first 1/2 marathon this weekend. It was cold, rainy/sleeting (in Central Florida, no less), miserable. The race path was difficult at times due to crowd congestion, instability in the road surface or what-have-you. We didn't have the time we originally set our hearts upon when we signed up for the 1/2, but as tears poured from my eyes, holding the hand of my greatest supporter and motivator, I realized that almost a year in the making and I just accomplished a goal on my bucket list. I get to take my Sharpie marker and scratch off a dream of mine. As I touched the finish line, with arms in the air it occurred to me....I can do ANYTHING! I know people say that and I know everyone uses it as a motivational tool...but for the very first time in my entire life I understood it completely. It was painful, uncomfortable, and, at times, discouraging to be so much slower than I envisioned but maybe that is the point. Maybe the point of this "ah-ha"moment and life lesson is that the things that really mean something to you...the things you work really hard for and desperately want are always the ones that will cause you a little pain and discomfort because you are willing to knowingly put yourself through pain to reach the destination point you want.

I could not have been more proud of myself and my sister in that moment. Ironically, as much pain as I was in- my knees throbbed, my ankles were weak and screaming at me, my lips were purple for hours after and I would have done it again for the same thrill and experience as I had crossing that line. As I drove home with my beautiful son sleeping in the backseat, I had time to think and reflect upon the race and the accomplishment....I think I might want to do it again! Can I get a better time? Can I make it through and run a little more distance? We'll see. I am in no hurry to run another long race again (yet), but I am still logging my miles and time at the gym. How cool is that though?? I am considering putting myself through it all again because of that split-second feeling at the finish line!

Shut the front door

Shut the front door- besides being one of my favorite little "catch phrases" right now it is so appropriate for so much I want to talk about tonight.

First, the country's weight obsession/weight problem. I understand we are, by far, the freakin' fattest country in the world. We are a HUGE, gluttonous society, hell bent on overindulgence and instant gratification. I also understand we are a society of extremes...you are either overweight or weight obsessed- there are so few "in betweeners." I can honestly say that I am in the weight obsessed category. Whether I am overweight, fighting baby weight or feeling pretty good about what the scale says, I am body obsessed. I have tried it all from fads to starvations diets to crazy pills to being a gym whore to everything in between. I am one of "those" people who is never quite happy enough with where I'm at or how I look. However, I can attest that just diet and exercise work and the actual work needs to come within me. The point of that entire rambling though was to get to the whole "shut the front door" thing. How about the diet/ weight obesession feeding into things it shouldn't? How about the "Taco Bell Diet"!?!?! I kid you not! You tube it or something...the Taco Bell Diet, really?!? I wanted to die from laughter. Aren't there some places destined to always be bad and bad for you? Some places the dieting world should never touch and never be a part of? It's almost sacriledge to see the Grade D Meat Factory producing "health food!"

Then my other "shut the front door" topic...the 1/2 marathon in two days! Like I said, I am woefully unprepared but now I am unprepared with 75,000 other people. As I was panting my way down the street to get from one place to the next this morning, I passed by many a jogger and I thought to myself (with half jealousy/ half pity) "look at you go." I wish (or am so glad I'm not) out there with ya buddy. This coming Saturday is going to be interesting, to say the least. I hope I don't embarrass myself!

Can't find the time

Can't find the time for anything today. I have been swamped with cleaning, and I mean, baby wiping the quarter round-dusting the air vents-throwing out 8 bags of trash cleaning. It's all in preparation for putting the house on the market....but I'm whipped. As soon as I finished only 3 rooms, it was time for dinner and to start packing so we can go to Florida tomorrow.

How is it possible that we accumulated so much stuff, junk and miscellanous crap since we moved in?? Like I said, 8 bags of trash, 4 trips (so far) to our storage unit, a huge load for the bulk garbage pick up and still so much more to go! That was only 3 rooms!!! We will have 2 bathrooms, a pantry, a great room and a kitchen to plow through. Again....how is this possible to have so much stuff?

It seems like that is the story of life though. We puddle through acquiring, being gifted, buying, borrowing and not returning- we collect all this stuff and it weighs down our life. I feel so purged and light now. Even though I am overwhelmed and worried about what the next few weeks/months are going to hold for us, the feeling of being lifted from the burden of junk is really liberating. Less stuff to clean, to put away, to find a home for....it's kind of nice. Toys that weren't being used, books that weren't being read, clothes that weren't being worn, the list goes on and on. It almost makes me cringe......BUT THEN WAIT, there is hope for us normal acquiring folk! I think about that show Clean House. If I shudder at the thought of my junk weighing me down (and it's really not that bad), can you imagine living in a place that Clean House tornadoes through?!?!?

On a positive and complete sidebar....I will be junk-free, stress-free and house-cleaning free for the next 5 days!! Orlando here I come!

New Year, New Look, New Blog

Taking a que right from my sister (as usual), I have redesigned my blog. Since the 1/2 marathon is in less than a week and I am woefully unprepared for it, I am now using my blogspot as more of a journal-esque place. We have so much going on now and in the upcoming months...getting it out and filling you in is therapeutic for me.

First things first, the outlook and some explanation. The "Bring on the Day" section on the right hand side is daily motivational quotes, sayings, Bible scripture I find inspiring or encouraging or whatever I come across in my day to day that may bring some perspective to others and to myself. The favorites on my iPod are songs that are especially meaningful or touching to me in some way, shape or form either bringing tears to my eyes or laughter to my soul.

Of course, I will still fill you in on my workout's and how my staying in shape is going, but my intention is also to keep a diary of my emotional shape and my eternal gym workout at trying to be a better person. Something, at which, I feel like I fall short of daily.

On the same note as emotional workouts...I guess that brings me to my New Year's Resolutions. I always make the same ones, it seems and fail by the time I get to March! But here we are again and again I will try:

*Read (at least) one book every month. Sometimes this can be an absolute challenge because of schedules, dealing with a child and/or husband or a combination of all of the above.

*Read the Bible the entire way through. I find great spiritual comfort from reading Scripture and daily devotionals and I seem to be more centered and at peace when I am more positive about the path I am supposed to be on.

*Spend uninterrupted time with Connor daily. I know what you are thinking, I am a stay-at-home mom and my job is to care for my child but you would be amazed at how quickly your day fills up with things to do and I find myself getting into bed at night realizing that I talked to Connor, kissed and loved on Connor, ate with him, changed his diaper, bathed him but not once did I engage in an activity to bond and focus solely on him.

*Be a better wife to my husband. See above...same thing happens. The day goes by so quickly and all of a sudden, I can't remember if we kissed or hugged all day long.

*I'm sure I will think of more as I go along...but I think it's a pretty good list to start ;)