And gold in the Mommy Olympics goes to you

I mentioned in my last post about the Mommy Olympics. A word that makes me blood boil and cringe. The Mommy Olympics (for those of you not familiar with the term) is when moms feel that burning desire to turn everything their baby/child (or how they are parenting) is doing into a competition. It's a race to see whose kid can accomplish whatever better/faster/cooler than anyone else's kid. And let me tell you, it's not just mom's that do this. I have an unnamed relative that is notorious for boasting about a child in their life in the attempts to outshine anyone else's child.

Now that I have Alaina, I have had one of each kind of child. Connor was "in front of the curve" and was doing and hitting milestones a little on earlier side and Alaina is "behind the curve" and hitting her milestones later. Connor doesn't stop, he is go go go from sun-up to sun-down. Alaina likes to do things in her own time. It's obnoxious that mom's aren't remembering that every child is his or her own person, absolutely perfect just the way they are. Parents (especially new moms) are so stressed and worried about whether or not their baby is developing as it is, the last thing they need is another mom criticizing or judging what is happening in their child's life.

I can honestly say I have been on the receiving end of unintentional baby olympics in life when Connor was born. A lot of us ladies had babies within a 6-8 week period and it was very easy to look at everyone else's child and wonder if your baby is on track. All that self doubt and analyzation crept in daily asking "am I doing enough," "is Connor being challenged enough?" Oh no, Baby X rolled, why isn't Connor rolling? All this undue pressure on myself made Connor's first year more stressful than enjoyable. Into his 2nd year, I started to relax, knowing he was fine in his own time and doing things the way he wanted to do them and with that reassurance I am not worrying about Alaina taking her time to do her thing.

I hear a lot of griping about women being hard on women and we are our own worst enemies...obviously that doesn't stop at mommy-hood. When we share that bond of having perfect, beautiful babies and could share experiencing the joy of motherhood we are instead judging, putting each other down, criticizing other kids and parenting skills. My hope is that I lift up other moms in their challenges that are sometimes different, sometimes similiar to my own. I hope that I find words of encouragement to lift up a stressed out mom whose struggles I don't understand because my struggles are different. I pray that I stop judging others and that others stop judging me on the basis of kids and how they act/behave and they way I chose to raise them.

The Zen Mommy

Is there such a thing as a "zen mommy"? I mean seriously?!? Zen for me only happens (on those rare occasions) in the first 5-10 minutes when I am allowed by my kids to slowly wake up and enjoy that peaceful quiet serenity of the morning sun before my feet hit the floor and I'm off at hundred miles an hour. Can that kind of Mommy actually exist? The one that has a relatively clean house, the laundry always done and the food always on the table on time. The one that has the time for all the housework, makes time for kid-bonding time and kid-free time and still be stress-free, easy-going and enjoy it all along the way?

I was reading an article in my most recent Parent's magazine about being a "Zen Mommy" and rolled my eyes as this woman started to describe herself. Her and husband lived Upstate New York in a monastary. By choice, the couple was up before 4am in silence and did chores and shared meals with 40 other people. Granted, my husband staying silent is sometimes a blessing, but realistically, I mean, what kind of life would that be?!? I heard myself pre-judging this lady until all of a sudden she startes saying something brilliant, like...

Zen wisdom states: Do what you're doing while you're doing it.
Mommy translation: Stop multitasking!
Guilty as charged! I am notorious for checking email, drinking coffee and giving Alaina a bottle- all at the same time. I am horrible at going outside to play with Connor only to stop and do something else because it needs to be done at that exact instant. my life is happening right now! The past is over, the future hasn't happened yet but I am actively living in the present so why am I not living? Why am I cramming 400 activities/tasks into one day and not giving 100% of my attention to something and doing it with love and a full heart?



Zen wisdom says: Leave no trace.
Mommy translation: Take responsibility for yourself and your mess. And teach your children to do the same.

Can I just tell you how many times I plop down after a long day. I finally getting the kids to bed and just sit on the couch. No brain activity happening and all my energy zapped from a day of playing, errands, tantrums, crying or tears, high energy or whatever the case may be for that particular day. I will look at the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room and see stuff sitting around. How do I expect Connor to be responsible for his belongings when, by example, I am not being responsible for mine? Do I expect things to be perfection and sparkling every day? Of course not! I'm not delusional...I mean, seriously, I have an energetic 3-year-old and an just starting to be mobile infant. BUT, I should work on being more aware of what I leave in my wake. I make the joke at the house that there is a "trail 'o Ben." It is a perfect path of everywhere my husband is/ has been from the time he walks in the door until he gets into bed because I can find the remnants of his strewn throughout the house. His boots by the door, his BDU top over the chair, his cup from dinner on the table after the meal, his snack on the table in the living room, his t-shirt on the floor next to the bed. Not that I am picking on my husband, but it is the perfect example of the "traces" we leave behind us that little things add up and there is nothing wrong with teaching Connor (and myself) awareness and responsibility for our belongings.

Zen wisdom says: Take just the right amount.

Mommy translation: Limit acquiring too much stuff.

I think THIS is the downfall of all new mommies (and daddies and grandparents too). We want our kids to have it all. We see a cute toy on the shelf and think "oh that is too adorable to pass up." We want all the coolest educational activities because goodness knows is the "Mommy Olympics" we can't have our kids falling behind the power curve. (Which, by the way, is one of my biggest pet peeves about moms- the Mommy Olympics...maybe I'll blog about it another time.) But I digress... The author of the article asks you to ask yourself this simple question everytime you are tempted to add something into your already jammed-crammed house, "Do I really require as much (food, money, things) as I think I do in this moment?" I actually had this realization a few months ago. Connor had accumulated so many toys and when we started adding Alaina's stuff to the mix, we were simply out of room. Connor's job was to pick 20 items that he was okay giving to someone else. The concept was a little challenging at his age. He kept assuming that if we give toys to someone who needs them, then they give us their toys in return. We'll get there.

So is Zen-Mommyhood possible? Not for this type-A highly structured and organized momma...but I love the lessons from this article and it reminds me that my actions to my kids are louder than any orders I give them, time-out's I put them in or arguments we have. I am the example for my children to follow.