Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep

Have you ever watched the Christmas movie, White Christmas? It's a beautiful story and one I watch every holiday season. I had never actually seen the movie until after Ben and I were together and, while spending Christmas one year with his mom, we watched it and I was immediately hooked on my "favorite Christmas movie" of all time (to be tied with Polar Express). One of the songs I love the most in White Christmas is when Bing Crosby sings "Count Your Blessings." The lyrics go like this: "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings. When my bankroll is getting small, I think of when I had none at all and I fall asleep counting my blessings." I don't know how many times I have tried this technique. When all the stresses of life lay on my heart and head in the middle of the night, I try to count blessings. Do you know I can't get very far! It's not because I don't think my life is blessed, I do. I truly think I am blessed child of God. I have a family I love and who loves me, my husband has job security, I have healthy and happy children, we have people we can call "true" friends in our lives, among many more things. But it seems as I am laying silently on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling, nothing comes to me. Or the big, overall things to be grateful for...you know, the obvious ones are said and then I get to blessing #12 (still not asleep) and out of ideas.

I blogged a long while back about using an "attitude of gratitude." It the sermon topic one Sunday at church and I was so motived by the thought of literally being able to change my life if I would just change my outlook. If I would just look at everything from a grateful perspective. Every relationship would shift (for me). The way I viewed the world around me, would be sunnier because I took the time to notice the blessings in it...not just rush by it all and try to come up with something to be grateful for at the end of the day. The main point Reverend Hasty was driving home that particular Sunday was that your heart wasn't going to adopt the "attitude of gratitude" because you told it to. No, it was like every other part of your life. It was going to take work to make gratitude a natural habit. So, I took out one of my old journals I had collecting dust under the bed, ripped out all the past entries and started a "Gratitude Journal." I was going great the first day, still going strong on the second, oops, forgot to add anything on the third, was too busy to notice on the fourth, found one thing in the busyness of life on fifth and you see the pattern. It's a tough habit to form and it's even harder to train your brain to look for and find things to be grateful for; especially on those days when the kids are pushing you to the brink, you ran out of milk, the dog is whining again, the laundry pile is so high you are tripped on it it to get to the refrigerator for the umpteenth snack of the day...AHHHH! Life. In retrospect, I know exactly what to be grateful for...children when so people are unable to have any, money ti purchase milk and a car to drive to the store to get it, the ability to cloth our children and keep the clothes cleaned. I should be grateful for the laundry detergent that I have. Grateful for the electricity to clean the clothes for me so I don't have to spend all day collecting water and hand-washing play-stained clothes. But alas, in the midst of chaos we tend to see the next step and that is all we can focus on. We have such a hard time taking a second to give thanks for ANYTHING (unless it's the kids momentary silence) because all we can see are the tantrums, the messes, the lists of to-do's, the breakfasts, lunches and dinners that need to be made.

So, here is what I am doing. I would love to hear if you join with me on some or all of it. I am pulling out my Gratitude Journal. We are going to try again but this time, I have a new method to remind me to stop in my middle of the hustle and bustle and craziness of life to be grateful for things. I found my son's little smiley face stickers! They are magic secret. I remember my step-mom doing this when we were kids. She put a smiley face sticker in her car right in front of the odometer and everytime she looked at it, it reminded her to say a quick prayer of thanks. I am using some of these fun and colorful smiley stickers and placing them strategically around the house. Some of the most obvious of places where I will see them constantly, the refrigerator handle, the coffee maker, the bathroom mirror. Others I want in places I don't go very often. Everytime I see one of those stickers, it will remind me to stop for 5 seconds and offer up a praise of thanks for whatever is going on around me at the time.

The Scales Have Tipped

And no, I don't mean the weight scales....although, I wish they would tip in my favor. I have big dreams of losing weight Biggest Loser style. Walking up to the scale after a week of working ou and having Alison Sweeney tell me I've lost 7 pounds. But alas, it isn't the scales for my weight or body fat I am speaking of.

No no no, friend, it is the scales of balance. I feel like they teeter-toter and one slight movement throws the whole thing off. Connor is my example for today. I have never been so frustrated with one person as I have been with him the last few days. Working out has been great, personal image issues have been getting better, getting housework done and my relationship with my children is terrible. It seems like I can't have it all. Whatever it all is or means. If I devote energy and attention to one thing, the fragile scales tips in that direction and I lose whatever was balancing me out on the other side.

I am going to admit something to you, I don't know if I should be ashamed of this or not....I have been tivo'ing Oprah's last season. Yep, not gonna lie. She has had the most incredible shows and incredible guests on over the past couple months because it's the 25th and final season of the show. So, yesterday, I was watching and catching up and I heard something that has stuck with me and I have been thinking about. When you are strong. No, scratch that...when your roots are strong, your tree can grow and flourish. The breeze, the hail, the storms may come, but when you have that strong and stable anchor, your tree won't blow away. Maybe that's what's going on with me....my roots aren't strong enough. Maybe I have lost focus on what my roots should be and where they should be growing. I keep trying to spread more and more branches and it isn't providing me any true and lasting satisfaction because my roots are shallow to the surface and I need deep and thick roots growing in my soul.

...and that made all the difference

I have worked out 6 days straight! Can I first say, this is a record for me. I have not worked out 6 days in a row in...forever, literally. But more importantly, the 6 days of working out and finding new and fun things to do at the gym besides run on the treadmill like a hampster on a wheel has completely reinvigorated my life. I understand that in 6 days I am not seeing a "physical transformation" yet. But the way I feel internally has me over the moon. I am finding out all the cliches...I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and kids because I have carved out a little personal time for myself, I am more inclined to come home and kick butt around the house with work that needs to be done. I am more proactive about things that have been just sitting around for ages. But still, it is more. I am learning that the more I am trying to take care of my body, the more I deserve to take care of my body. I am spending a few extra minutes when I step out of the shower to put on good body lotion. A few extra seconds to put on some eye cream after I wash my face. I'm not rushing through the shower to get out as fast as I can and falling into bed without even **gasp** washing my face or taking off my make-up some nights. I am learning that I deserve to take care of myself. I owe it to myself to take care of my body, internally and externally. I spend my entire days, all 24-hours of them, taking care of 2 kids, a husband, a house and a dog. I certainly am well-deserved to carve out some time to take care of me. I am happier, healthier, I feel better about myself and, in turn, I am a better wife and mommy. The personal trainer when I had my physical assessment said something really interesting to me that I have been thinking a lot about for the past week. She asked me on a scale of 1-10 what my "desire to acheive my goals" with 10 being "I am willing to do anything it takes." I answered with an 8. When she questioned me about why I told her that, honestly, my family will always come first. There will be some days when both the kids are sick or have had long days or whatever the case may be when I am not able to make it to the gym or find time to work out. Then she told me thay there were 168 hours in a week, would I be able to use 4-5 of them to take care of myself? Yes, ma'am, I think I will.

The Slippery Slope of Parenthood

Friends, I have had it. HAD IT.....in big bold letters, with exclamation points trailing steadily behind. HAD IT!!!

When your kids are itty bitty, I am sure many of you were like me. I refused to have toys overrun my house. I refused to have them scattered and sprinkled about throughout the living area, let alone the dining room, kitchen, bedrooms (including MINE!), bathrooms, hallways....if there is an open spot somewhere, I can bet that there is quite possibly a toy, book, game, stuffed animal, puzzle, crayon or what-have-you filling it. You try so hard not to let your life become filled to the brink with stuff but here we are- 3 short years into the life of my beautiful son and we are toy-crazy! (*Please remember that when I say "toy" I am including all the educational and developmental stuff we have as well.) It's so much! I could never be angry, per se, at the amount of things he has. They were all given with so much love, generosity and kindness from family and friends that we feel incredibly blessed to have so many people care so much for our children- but Daddy and I are being squished out! We are having a "toy intervention!"

This Friday "The Great Toy Clean-Out" begins! The toy contraption (it's a 9-box system with cloth boxes) in our living room is going to Connor's room as are most of the toys that have found their way down there. Connor and Alaina are each going to have a new utility tote (courtesy of 31) downstairs and whatever fits in it is allowed to stay in it...otherwise, upstairs it goes! After Connor's birthday extravaganza, we have also realized that toys are pouring out of our ears! We have toys shoved into Alaina's closet, Connor's closet, and a lot of other crazy places! Some we need to hang on to for Alaina to grow into, but a ton of them have been completely forgotten about. Ben and I decided that 5 toys per year is fair, so a total of 15 toys are getting the axe this Friday. Whether they go to the garage sale or Goodwill, they are out of our house.