So.....Connor is officially enrolled as a student for the Fall. He will go to First Presbyterian Church 3 days a week for 5 hours a day. The education he will receive here has Ben and I over the moon. He will learn how to act appropriately around other kids, his letters, numbers, colors and all sorts of fun other stuff. He has to go to library, gym, art and, our favorite, chapel, once a week and participates in a service project once a month.
So, what's the problem? Where does that leave me? I am a Stay-at-Home mom. My entire life and job revolve around the fact that I have a child at home who I provide and care for. When he is not here, what happens to me? I pondered the idea of getting a part-time job, but then my DH reminds me of doctor's appointments, travels, trying to get pregnant (or becoming pregnant again) etc. Who is going to hire someone for a part-time job when I am expecting a baby, taking off to take my child to the doctor and I am so unstable in my scheduling? He is right, part-time work for me (at this point) doesn't make a lot of sense.
I am torn. I want to be of value to someone and this thought has ridden my shoulders for a couple days....ever since the decision to send Connor to school. Do I have worth or will I always be the unthanked and unpaid baker, chef, personal assistance, party planner, personal shopper, laundress, chaeuffuer, executive assistant, financial consultant, maker of mud pies, human waste santitation worker....you get my point! I may always go unthanked...but I didn't choose this life for myself to get thanks for a job well done. I will do my job and do it well....my ultimate "thanks and praise" will come if I have successfully raised my children in a loving, caring and well-adjusted home and they can fondly look back on their childhood as a wonderful experience.
However, am I worth anything else? That is still the question lingering....until I read my daybook reading for the day. It was all about being a "homecarer." In a nutshell, she reminded me to do things joyfully and with love in my heart. My endless tasks of laundry and picking up the toys and shoes that sprinkle the floor and everything else that goes on here only solidifies my goal- to make our life here full of comfort. When my husband comes home, will there be clutter on everything bolted down? After we sit down in the family room to enjoy our time together before Connor goes to bed, is it so trashed with toys and junk that it isn't a peaceful experience? We are given a choice each day. We can react negativelyto the demands made on us or we can choose to live abundantly, to transform the negative into the meaningful. If I don't recognize the value of what I am doing inside the home, certainly no one else will. "And if being a homemaker isn't sacred, then forgive me, for I truly have no conception of the Divine." When I am nearly bowed under physically, emotionally, and psychologically by the mundane, it is these times when I need to remember the sacredness of the ordinary. Ordinary is a pretty amazing life! I get to provide for my family harmony and order. I get to provide a safe and serene place they get to call home. What a blessing for me!!
On this Mother's Day weekend....remember that you are providing for your family more than they will ever be able to thank you for! When you wonder if the endless pile of laundry and dishes and picking up and vaccuming and putting away will ever be finished....it won't! But that's okay and so is the life you chose to give your husband's and your children and thanks or no thanks, I pray the endless love from them bursts your heart to overflowing!
